want to come over for dinner?

imagine the scene if you will. . .

you're making dinner for friends who are coming over. there will be at least 10 extra people sitting around on your couches and folding chairs tonight. you're scrambling to get every little thing ready before the first guest arrives. the potatoes are roasting. the burgers and dogs are ready to be tossed on the grill that's heating outside the kitchen door. drinks are in the cooler and the macaroni and cheese is finished.

you've got the washing machine and dryer in the corner of the kitchen covered with a cute table cloth where you'll line up all the food, buffet style since you have almost zero counter space.

you've got almost everything finished so it's time to start the salad. you pull all the fresh fixings out of the fridge and start getting things washed and chopped. you wash off the lettuce and plop all of it into a lingerie bag and toss it into the washing machine over in the corner and turn on the spin cycle to get all the excess water spun off so it'll be clean and crispy.

the doorbell rings. you answer the door and let in two of your closest girl friends. you run back into the kitchen and invite them to follow you while you finish up the salad. you open the washer and pull out the bag of clean, dry lettuce and then recover the machine with the table cloth. you proceed to the counter to chop up the lettuce and get everything tossed together when you notice a strange thing. it's silent in the room.

the two ladies you invited in aren't known for being quiet. ever. why aren't they talking? you look over at them and they're both staring at you with a look of mutual horror on their faces. you don't understand what's wrong. you look around trying to figure out what they see that you're clearly missing. you find nothing amiss.

you ask "what?" they start sputtering and pointing to the lingerie bag you're holding in your hand. one points to the washing machine and says, " you just.... you took that... that bag out of the washing machine." the other one jumps in. "there was... LETTUCE in it?"

you still don't see the problem. of course there was lettuce in the bag. and of course it was in the washing machine. you consider yourself fortunate to have a washing machine so handily positioned whenever you're spinning your lettuce dry in the clean lingerie bag that was purchased specifically for that purpose. doesn't everyone do that? how else to get it perfectly dried without having to wipe off each piece top and bottom?

every other guest that arrived was greeted with news of the salad in the washer. and the story got bigger and more elaborately outrageous as the night went on. i became the hostess of questionable standards. the one who couldn't be trusted to make responsible choices in what she fed to herself or her friends.

and oddly enough, there was a lot of salad left over after everyone went home.

what about you? do you vote for it being a great idea or are you reading this with the look of horror on your face to match my loud mouthed friends? it's okay whichever way you vote. i'll still like you. i might even invite you over for dinner. and salad.

shopping for shame

it was late one night. the husband was on his way home from work & he called. "i'm at cvs, i've got chocolate chips, cadbury eggs & peanut butter cups. oh, and pepto. do we need anything else?"

i started giggling. this is the same cvs where one day just before christmas i was in there with my own armload of colorful goods. i plopped a bottle of pepto, a box of gas-x, some alka-seltzer and a box of tampons on the counter. the guy looked at it, and looked up at me with big eyes & a not-so-vague look of disgust on his face. i felt a little bit embarrassed. i guess it's good i didn't have any preparation-h in my pile or my shame would have been complete.

guest post - family food fondness

i asked nari from narislife wrote a post for me about a childhood memory after she gave me such a wonderful lie story for how we met. here's her fun post about being a kid in a new country, learning about new foods. she's got another great one up on her own blog right now too about going camping, somewhat unprepared. i hope you enjoy it as much as i did!

Family Food Fondness


I was asked to write guest post about a childhood memory. This is what came to mind:

It seems that most people are able to associate various food items to fond childhood memories. When we go to California to visit my In-laws, my Mother-in-law has my Hubby’s favorite foods ready and waiting for us. There are taquitos with home-made guacamole and salsa, Spanish rice, menudo, tamales and she will fill her fridge and cabinets with all of the items he loved as a kid. Everything is delicious and my Hubby will reminisce about his younger days, prompted by the scent or flavor of something at the family table.

I’m fully aware that this isn’t an unusual phenomenon for most people. I have tried to do the same for my girls throughout their childhood. I just didn’t grow up with the same experiences.

I was born in Thailand and moved to the states when I was three. My first real food memory was from Southern Florida. I was at a neighbor’s house on a Saturday morning. The neighbor kids were about to have breakfast and I had been invited to eat over because they were taking us all to a place called Lithia Springs for the day to play in a shallow lagoon full of large algae covered rocks. We would swing on ropes hanging from tree tops into this slimy, rocky pool of potential broken bones and concussions. It was great! I was four years old and the only rule was that I could only swing off the ropes I could reach on my own.

As I sat at their dining room table with a bowl, a spoon and a glass of orange juice before me, a box and a pitcher of milk were set on the table. I watched my friend grab the box and pour stuff into her bowl which sounded just like the cat’s food when my mom filled its bowl in the mornings. I grabbed the box a little warily and filled my bowl. I could feel my eyes bulge as I saw what lay before me. It didn’t look anything like cat food. This was colorful and smelled sweet. My friend then handed me the pitcher of milk which she had added to her bowl of what must surely be some sort of candy. I followed suit and only ended up having time for about three bites of this crunchy creamy concoction of milk and pure sugar.

When I got home that day, I asked my mom if she would get this box of goodness for me. I didn’t know what it was called so I described it to her and she said she would look for it. She came home the next day with a very small box that didn’t look quite right but she said she didn’t want to waste money on something I might not really like. In my childish heart, I knew that wouldn’t be a problem but I didn’t argue. I waited eagerly for morning to come and was up and at the table about twenty minutes before anyone else had even woken up.

Once my mom finally woke up, she got out the little box and poured the contents into a bowl. She added milk and set it in front of me with a spoon. I dipped my spoon into the bowl and pulled it out carefully, making sure I had the perfect milk to sugary crunchiness ratio. I opened my mouth and filled it with what had become my newest obsession. I closed my eyes to better savor the flavor…and proceeded to gag. I spit the soggy disgusting mess into my bowl and stared at it in horror. My mom just took the bowl away from the table talking about how she was glad she bought a small box instead of getting the full sized one.

I didn’t eat cereal again until I reached high school. I was convinced it was one of the most disgusting things in the world until the day my mom idly asked me if I remembered when we first came to the states and I had asked for cereal. She laughed as she told me she had actually bought Cracker Jacks by mistake because it was smaller and cheaper and it seemed like the same thing.

My mom never really cooked much and I ate what I was served. She was always looking for a bargain and unfortunately, quality sometimes paid the price. My mother believed that Kraft Macaroni N Cheese was only cheap because they had a deal with the milk and butter industry, since the directions required the adding of both of those ingredients. But not MY mom, she would cut the butter amount in half and add water in place of milk. There was no way she was falling victim to the food industry.

So I guess you can say that I do indeed have family food memories. They just aren’t the ones you would expect. (In case you’re wondering, it took years before I was willing to eat Mac N Cheese again.)


now go, visit nari & make a new friend!

crusty deliciousness

i was hanging out with a good friend the other day, having dinner & eating all the cookies in the house. because, well, because she's pregnant & is free to eat to her little heart's content & not to be outdone, i felt the need to consume as many as she did, you know, so she wouldn't feel embarrassed or lonely in her snickerdoodle frenzy. and while we were busy eating a whole pan of ziti and about 15 cookies, i remembered a story back from my own days as the knocked up chick.

chris had taken me to macaroni grill to celebrate our 4th wedding anniversary and we'd taken full advantage of the unlimited bread they bring to the table. i'm not sure how many crusty little loaves we consumed, but i'm sure it was more than the average amount for a table of two.

we had a long, leisurely dinner of happy chatting & relaxed laughs, enjoying some of the few moments left before we would be carting around a baby and piles of equipment of every kind. just us & my purse and large quantities of food.

as the meal finished up i realized that i wasn't just full, i was pregnant full; meaning, baby was in the place where all the food needed to land & i found myself needing to lean waaaayy backwards to try to accommodate everything that was jockeying for position in my gut region. i felt my stomach gurgle - right behind my left breast. baby was kicking & rolling & making things decidedly more uncomfortable, but in all fairness, she was probably just trying to find a position where 4 loaves of bread & a pound of pasta and cream sauce weren't sitting directly on her head.

chris helped to haul my huge ass up off the bench i was wedged onto and i very slowly wound my way through the restaurant toward the door. i was wearing a long green dress & i was leaning back with one hand on my lower back & one hand flapping around out front, trying to keep my balance. i noticed that i got a whole lot of stares from our fellow diners and it was going beyond the usual, "whoa, that's a lot of belly" kind of looks. it was like i'd reached the point of shock & awe and i wasn't sure that i liked it. by the time we reached the exit, i'm sure i had a snarky scowl on my face because i was very uncomfortable and i was tired of getting the circus freak eye from so many different people.

as we were walking to the car, i mentioned to chris about the rude staring & that's when i looked down at my giant stomach and realized - my entire belly was covered in a massive quantity of bread crumbs. like imagine this stomach

with this entire loaf of bread broken up into little bits of crusty deliciousness and strewn willy nilly around my grotesquely swollen flesh shelf.

i finally understood why i was getting so many peculiar stares from the other folks in the restaurant. so i did the only sensible thing at that point & proceeded to eat all those yummy little bits from my dress because it would be a shame to let such culinary beauty go to waste.

june freakin cleaver

2010 has been my year for adventurous cooking. i'm horribly bored of all the food i've been eating since i gave up meat 12 years ago & it was time for me to learn now to do some things that are outside of my comfort zone. i got a wok and a food processor for christmas last year & i've been putting them to good use, even making things i've never heard of.

today, we got home from church & i set to work making a nice lunchish meal. i chopped up all kinds of veggies (including parsnips which i've never even seen before yesterday) and made vegetable tarts. it was when i was forming up the edges of the little dough bowls that i looked down at myself - i was making TARTS, for God's sake, wearing a lacy tank camisole, a cardigan and a string of my deceased grandma's pearls and looking for all the world like june freakin cleaver!

it's a good thing i wasn't wearing a bra because at least i was able to tell us apart since i'm sure june never would have been caught around the kitchen without her fancy pantsy bra & girdle & i can assure you, no girdle lives here. this is the belly and booby free zone.

this one's a bit closer to my own personal mantra.

the love handles cometh

i've learned something about myself this week. i've learned that when i'm really sad, i make jokes. when my stress level is way up high in the sky, i dig into myself and dredge up something to throw out at the world to distract myself & hopefully distract anyone who's looking, from the fact that my heart feels really bad.

take my last post, for example. that was my way of telling you that we won't be able to go home for christmas this year to see our families. my honey works retail management & being that it's the busiest time of the year, his company decided to open a new store on christmas eve & take a bunch of employees from the stores in the area that are already open & leave the older stores short handed. meaning, no days off except christmas day, not leaving enough time for a 6 hr trip.

i don't get to see my family very often. i love and cherish them and enjoy all the time i get to spend with them, but this year, we'll be spending the holidays alone. just like thanksgiving. our families are sad too that we won't be there with our big mouths to liven things up. damn, writing this is making me cry again.

one of my favorite parts of being home around christmas is that both of our moms cook & bake up a storm & they gear their meal plans toward the things that we love. we get to make requests & there's more than enough food for all the days we're there, even if we eat 5 meals a day. i don't have to lift a finger if i don't want to, though i almost always clean up even if i don't help prepare. i don't really like to cook, but i sure do love some home cooked meals.

i guess i'm going to have to do the cooking myself this year because it's not going to feel like christmas if we eat cold cereal for breakfast, frozen pizza for lunch and hamburger helper for dinner. i don't know what i'll make yet, but in the spirit of cooking up some cheer, i made my first attempt at peanut butter balls. and i've got to tell ya, they're freakin awesome. they even came out looking pretty, which is an added bonus.

i also made something tonight that i just love because, well, first of all, it tastes really good, but also, it's pretty and makes my house smell fantastic when it's baking. it's a squash & quinoa casserole.

i'm going to make pumpkin muffins in a few days for chris since he loves them and it's the least i can do to make him feel better during this crappy work season.

so pretty much, what i'm trying to tell you is that i'm drowning my sorrow in food. i can feel my love handles growing as i type this. by the time new years rolls around, i'm likely to be wearing only my fat pants due to seam rippage on anything without a hefty dose of spandex.


UPDATE: for anyone who wants them, here are the recipes for the peanut butter balls and the quinoa casserole.

peanut butter balls
1/2 lb. whipped butter (2 sticks & then whip them when they're soft)

1 cup peanut butter
16 oz powdered sugar
1 1/2 tsp. vanilla
cream together and then freeze for about 20 min in the bowl. once the dough is fairly stiff, you can put a little powdered sugar onto your hands to keep them from sticking while you roll them into balls. put them back into the freezer.
over a double boiler (simmering water in a pot w/ a glass or metal bowl sitting on top of that) melt
12 oz. semi-sweet chocolate
1/8 lb (or less) household paraffin wax cut into small pieces for easier melting (sounds gross to cook with wax, but, they're tasty & pretty).
once that's all melted, let it cool for a few minutes so it's not quite so soupy.
dip all the balls & put onto waxed paper & with any chocolate left over, drizzle it across the tops to make them look fancy.
keep them in the freezer or fridge.

quinoa casserole   (this recipe had chicken in it, but i make it without, so here's my version.)
1/4 cup wild or long grain brown rice
1/4 cup quinoa
1 tsp olive oil
1/2 onion, diced
3 cloves garlic, minced
small butternut squash, peeled and chopped into bite sized pieces
2-3 carrots, chopped
2 cups vegetable or chicken broth
1 tsp dry sage or fresh is good too, but use more.
1/4 - 1/2 cup chopped fresh herbs. i like to use parsley, thyme, basil, rosemary. whatever i have on hand.
salt & pepper to taste
1/3 cup shredded cheese
1/2 cup panko bread crumbs
2 tbs butter
oven 350. in a non-stick skillet, over med-high heat, cook dry rice & quinoa with 1 tsp of oil, stirring frequently until they turn golden. about 8-10 min.
in a big, glass baking pan (11x7 or 9x13) combine everything but the cheese, bread crumbs & butter and stir. cover and bake for 50 min.
while it's baking, melt the butter & then mix it with the cheese & crumbs.
after 50 min, uncover & add the topping. bake approximately 10 more minute or until liquid is absorbed.

ketchup & rice

tomorrow i'm going out of town to visit my parents & sisters. since i currently don't have a working vehicle, i can't just pack myself & brooke up & go like i always have in the past. so it's a pretty big deal that my mom is willing to drive 6 hrs here & back just so we can visit them & then my dad's going to do the round trip next week to return us. i'm touched that anyone would want us around enough to make that drive. i'm not willing to say no to a trip beyond these four little walls, no matter what.

it's been mentioned several times (not by my parents) that maybe we shouldn't go since i've still got a raging case of pneumonia. but in my head, that's all the more reason to go! when i'm there, i won't be the main person in charge of brooke. there will be other adults who can entertain & amuse & supervise & feed her. she's been really good about finding ways to keep herself busy these last few boring weeks, but i'm starting to feel sorry for her. she's spending days on end at home with only her imagination, kitten & tv to keep herself occupied.

yesterday she made some way too long videos that she wanted to put on youtube & then her blog about a story she'd been playing for hours that day. she drew faces on all my spice bottles & then drew a face on a pair of toaster tongs & named it the tongodile. then they had the adventures of paprika, including climbing up onto my disgusting self while i was coma-ing on the couch. nothing like putting your filthy shame onto the internet.

i think if nothing else, it'll be good for us to get to a healthy house because brooke needs to be able to eat better again. yesterday she made her own dinner - 2 bananas, one of which was heaped w/ red pepper hummus & baby carrots. today she had raisins & rice cakes for lunch & italian ice & cheese for dinner. i'm starting to have visions of myself on the news being taken away in handcuffs while the neatly coiffed news anchor tells the viewers that my child has been surviving on nothing more than ketchup & dry rice for the past few weeks.

mommy, take me away!

mmm... liver flavored cat food

there comes a time in every kid's life where they eat pet food. right? i know i did when i was about 8 & visiting my cousin & it was only because he offered to give me half his allowance, but still, i chewed up & digested that crunchy cat kibble. i mean, i needed that 50 cents!

yesterday brooke was feeling kitty-ish & she told me she wanted to really experience what life is like for a cat, so she needed to eat some of their food. i thought about it & decided to give her permission (because that's that's what i do) but i forbid any eating of the wet stuff because that's just nasty. she got out the bag of iams kitten food & brought out a crunchy lil piece, popped it into her mouth & ate it. i watched her face & i could see that she really wanted to like it. what kind of cat would she be if she didn't like cat food? but she didn't like it. however, all was not lost because she still had the bag of friskies feline favorites to sample in hopes of finding her perfect cat food flavor. she looked at the 4 different shaped bits & selected the little brown triangle. she was a bit more hesitant this time, almost like she could see her chances of becoming a real cat disappearing into thin air if this didn't work out. she put it onto her tongue & savored it for a moment before chewing & swallowing. she said, "it was greasy, but good!"

for the next few minutes she romped around the kitchen, kitty style, and then she stopped next to me & said, "i think my belly is bubbling. BIG bubbles! but i have such a great aftertaste on my tongue! it's really pleasant!" she got the bag of cat food back out & looked at the pictures on the back showing which crunchy is which flavor & she realized she'd eaten a liver flavored piece. she determined that to be the culprit for her belly bubbles & decided that she should eat a milk flavored one to settle it back down. i recommended that she might try some pepto & a bit of people food to settle it down & she went with that for the time being.

today she told a friend of mine that she likes cat food & that milk flavored kibble is the best. she apparently ate some this morning & it agreed with her better than that pesky liver bit. she asked me if i'll please start mixing it in w/ the zip bag of cheerios that are left out for her each morning. this is the same kid who likes to eat suet. i always knew she wasn't a picky eater, but this is taking it to a whole new level.