Tuesday, June 28, 2011

pablo's been picnapped

my mom & i have a lot of fun together. she's one of those delightful humans who thinks i'm pretty funny sometimes, so of course that just encourages me to do and say even wackier things. i know it's been a really good day for mom & i when one of us wets our pants.

i don't know how many of you remember my little post about my beloved pablo, the metal tooth picker, but he's become something of a family legend since i fell in love with him about a year ago. you can go HERE to read of my twisted, but devoted and on-going love affair with pablo.

yesterday when i was visiting my parents house, i inadvertently left pablo at their house. i didn't realize it until i was home & munching popcorn last night. i nearly had a panic attack, but then found my spare picker, which was sufficient, but not as satisfyingly pointy as pablo.

early this morning i got a text from my mom's number. it said,
 "I've got Pablo.Leve$5 million in small unmarkd bills behine the dumster at red lobstr b4 midnite tamorro.After I have cownted the $ we will negoshiate his retrn."

after i had a giant, unexpected early morning guffaw, i texted back,
"oh my gosh, that's hilarious! i realized i left my sweet sweet pablo behind. i could flog myself."

but mom wasn't done yet.
"this aint no jock lady. Pay up or he dis."

me, "please, please don't hurt my beloved! i can't live without him. I'll pay!"

mom/gangsta, "hes safe here 4 now but he gets no food. hes a winer so you bedder hurry up becuse i hat the sownd of his wining and i mite looz my pashints with him."

me, "what will you do to him if he whines?"

mom/gangsta, "Start fileing his point til he shuts the heck up."

me, "oh no, not the point! that's his best feature and he has body image issues. i'll give you some publicity if you want, just leave his point intact. i'll blog about you & send out your message. anything you want!"

mom/gangsta, "Tell evrybuddy the mony is being donaded to chairity. And tell them i mene bisness. This littel winer is geting on my last nerv so herry up."

mom/gangsta again cuz i was slow in replying, "I jist had sumbuddy offr to take him off my hands for $1 million today. Now you hav til 11:59 tonite to pay or luze."

me, "i'll pay but only if his point is whole and sharp. don't rough him up!"

mom/gangsta, "He shut up wen i tuchd the file to his winy littel tip. Now hese just quivring like a cowerd. I hate thees jobs."

me, "most guys would shut up if you put a file on their tip. Pablo's no dummy."

mom/gangsta, "Wimp. Jelyfish. Keesh."

me, "you picnappers are all alike. uneducated thugs just looking to ruin someone else's life with your casual disregard for the things others hold dear."

and so ended the ridiculous pablo saga. or maybe it's not over yet. i'll go over tomorrow to attempt to ransom my precious pablo and i'm hoping he hasn't been damaged. maybe i'll find him in a tiny, locked box with file marks around the edges & nary a hole through which to breathe.

20 comments:

  1. You put a file to my tip and I'll tell you Grandma's savings account number.

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  2. Don't tell, but that kinda made me wet my pants a little, too.

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  3. Dat poor lil' guy!

    Him goin' thro hell'n'back waitin' for da bucks to be paid.

    Shame on ya for furgettin' da baby puss.

    Da fort of dat lil' kitty in a box wiff no hair ta breve is {choke} makin my wanna cwy!

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  4. Sounds like the acorn didn't fall far from the tree! lol

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  5. I love it when families have so much fun. You have a wonderfully funny mom. The two of you together is priceless.

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  6. You and your mom are adorable!

    Pearl

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  7. Wow. I'm sorry to hear about Pablo's picknapping. Though it leaves me with questions. First, what have you named your backup pick? Carlos, or...

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  8. symdaddy, it wasn't the kitten that was left behind & abused, it was a metal toothpicker.
    paul, my backup is named beloved. actually, beloved was my first one, but then along came pablo & well, beloved moved into second place. though i may need to reconsider beloved's standing in my life since she's really been here for me, supporting me through this difficult time while pablo's been gone.

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  9. You cracked me up with this story.

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  10. Sounds to me like Beloved is much like that girl you really don't care too much for, but is fun to make out with in a pinch. It's good to hear you're thinking about her loyalty, and how leading her on may not be the kindest thing...

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  11. Nicely written. Pablo wasn't at all as I pictured him. I thought he'd be a metal version of the wooden utensil.

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  12. Yup.... i now know where you get it from! lol

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  13. sheesh Sherilin. Just carry some floss. I'll have to see what this pablo business is all about

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  14. That's fantastic! Extra cool that your mom TEXTS you!! She must be the ultimate cool granma to Brooke!

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  15. That is great! I love your mom's texting skillz.

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  16. That was hysterical. Being a picnapper sounds like serious business. I think this could be an episode in Criminal Minds (aka your gangsta mom)
    I love your mom's texting spelling.
    I hope his tip is in tact.

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  17. Aww, that's the best. Will your Mom adopt me?

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  18. I love it. Hopefully Pablo was returned.

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    ReplyDelete

don't let me be the only one doing the talking around here. spill your guts!