i've been wearing bras for 27 years now and i've got to be honest - i'm really sick of them. they were super exciting 27 years ago when i started out with the white, stretchy variety. then during my teenage years, they were something that was fun to shop for because of the cute patterns and styling options. in my early twenties, i still could wear the semi-cute ones, but since my guava growth continued into my late twenties, i was soon fighting a losing battle against the bras. i went from having thingamaJIGS to thingamaJUGS. if i got the kind that looked good to my guy then either a strap would be slipping or i'd be sliding out the front every time i bent forward. and once you slide out, either you're stuck with that tacky muffin top ta-ta or you have to reach in there and jiggle them back into the proper position.
sports bras are no good for me for a couple reasons. 1 - it's hard to find one that stretches far enough to accommodate them without overspillage or intense back-fat squeezing problems. and 2 - they give major uniboob which looks odd in my shirt and causes excessive sweating. it's like the coconut canal flowing through there.
the bra options aren't great once your boobs grow to the size of mine. you can walk through a bra store, admiring all the pretty options, but none of them are available in my size. the ones that come in my size? they're mostly what you'd picture your grandma wearing if you ever pictured your grandma in a brassiere. or once in a while i can find a cute one, but when i try it on, it doesn't fit right. too tight or too stabby. too low or too pinchy. so back i go to the standard blah choice where the most exciting option is a color. oh yes please, i'll take that ugly cotton one in blue, tan, white, black, gray and one with little periwinkle flowers all over.
for the past few years, i've spent most of the time that i'm home in the free swinging zinger zone. people might show up to my house to visit, but if i didn't have advance notice, i wasn't going to be wrangling myself into a flopper-stopper before i could answer the door. since we've moved in with my in-laws, i've felt rather weird about that. i've come to the conclusion that while i can't maintain my braless state all day every day when i'm living here, i can only be expected to keep the sweater meat tamped down for so many hours per day. therefore, i've implemented the "after-dinner-boobs" standard for myself.
that means i have to wear a bra all day even if i never walk out the door until dinner is over. then i'm permitted to shuck it off like the irksome irritant that it is. from that time forward, i can release them like free range chickens to wander where they will until morning.