Sunday, October 30, 2011

would you rather...

we were cruising down the road in vanny, ancient road princess of squealing and chugging. chris is deaf in one ear, so being in vanny is almost guaranteed to cause a relay of  "what"-yelling, interpreting, clarifying swarm of irritation for all of us. whining commenced, frustration flared up, brakes were applied enthusiastically as we swerved over the side of the road and threatened to go back home and skip the movie.

i was sitting there, feeling my blood pressure rise, trying to maintain my tentative hold on my composure when i suddenly snarled, "i would rather STICK MY HEAD IN A TOILET than listen to any more of this CRAP!" of course my fellow vanny riders immediately said, "what? what did you say?" because no one can hear each other in our shrieking mystery machine.

that led to a round of "would you rather" which is always sure to lighten the mood.

would you rather.... eat a booger OR drive the wrong way in traffic?
i think i'm going to have to go with the booger on this one. because hospitals and pain are even worse than the shuddering yucks caused by boogers on my tongue.

would you rather... get a tongue kiss on the lips from a dog OR walk around publicly with a big wedgie where the back half of your pants have been eaten by your crack?
i think i'd prefer the dog kiss. i can't stand to feel or see a giant wedgie when i'm out. when someone in front of me has one, i just want to go ask them how they can possibly not feel it & please to dig it out so i can look away from their rump region.

would you rather... step on a big juicy slug with your bare foot OR step in dog poop?
i've actually done both and the slug was much worse. it exploded between my toes and filled my toes with the kind of jam that cannot be washed off for far too long. and i kept having flashbacks of the exploding slug for days afterwards, always causing me to convulse violently. poop can be washed off & leave your foot as good as new once the stench dissipates.

would you rather... go for a swim in a pool filled with worms OR have dinner at the food court of the mall topless?
this one is a bit troublesome for me. i would not AT ALL like to swim with worms, but i don't know if i could stand the staring of dining sans shirt at the mall. maybe if i wore a sign taped on my back skin explaining my predicament about the worms...

would you rather... eat a live hissing cockroach OR get arrested?
can i pick what the arrest would be for? because i think i'd prefer a few hours in jail for jaywalking to consuming a hissing roach. or more likely it would be for the indecent exposure at the mall. maybe i should just suck it up & chow down on that giant beetle. *shivers* ugh.

would you rather... step in a nest of fire ants OR go on a date with an unwashed hobo?
i would have to pick the hobo this time because i could choose an outdoor eating place for our date to improve the smell situation & i'll bet that hobo would have some interesting stories to tell.

what about you guys? got any good "would you rathers"?


  1. Easy
    1. Booger. Hands (or is that nose?) down. But only if it was mine.
    2. Dog tongue. Won't get skid marks on my tongue that way.
    3. Slug. Because sometimes dog poop gets stuck under your toenails.
    4. Topless at the food court. I guarantee I'd eat alone.
    5. Eat a hissing cockroach. Unless that would get me arrested.
    6. A date with a hobo. He might be able to help me with that dog thing.
    Did I win?
    Oh, wait, I was supposed to provide my own "would you rather."
    Okay, would you rather....
    Mud wrestle Chaz Bono or Michael Moore (they MAY be the same person, though)?

  2. thanks al, i like that you answered them too! and i laughed at your topless in the food court answer.
    i had to google both of your guys to see if i could figure out an answer. i think i'll go with chaz. he looks more like a girl, so maybe i could take him.

  3. Well, he/she/it was a pretty cute girl once. And, the way I hear it, he/she/it has no junk (NO WAY I'll want photographic proof, though). So, yeah. And you may make him/her/it cry like a...girl.
    Michael Moore may just eat you.

  4. Oh, and not in a good way.
    I mean REALLY eat you.

  5. Would you rather go a week without electricity in the winter or would you rather sleep in a room with rats?

  6. this game gave me the creeps! lol

  7. Extremely interesting concept for your blog. I'm almost pretty much in complete agreement with your answers, they all seem pretty logical and well thought out to me. It's certainly a fun game to play, that's for sure!

  8. al, you make me laugh. i'll take a pass on any kind of eating from mr moore.
    ruth, i think i'll take the lack of electric. i'll just pile on the blankets over my layers of sweaters and long underwear.
    oh eva, it's fun!
    yeamie, you should play along! or do your own version on your blog & see if you get some great responses too!

  9. LOL good call on avoiding the mr moore eating fiasco...I think I have to disagree with you on the dog poo. I'd rather step on the slug. Although once I accidentally poked my sister's pet rabbit in the eye, and the horrifying gooshy feeling still makes me feel pukey to this day. *shudder* So I agree you'd be risking post-traumatic slug stomping flashbacks with that one.

  10. Sherilin, I really don't know which I would choose. I am on well water. No electricity means the pump doesn't work. That sucks. But, rats-ewww! But thinking about it, I'd have to go with no electricity either. The rats might eat me when I feel asleep from shear exhaustion.

  11. OH, I can't this one go ...

    1. Booger! Just like eating a small snail!
    The driving thing would be fun too though.

    2. Have I ever mentioned that I love my dogs?
    Sloppy tongue kiss every time.

    3. Slug or poo? Hmmm! Can I try both too?

    4. I'll eat in the mall topless. Who's gonna
    be phased by my hairy chest?

    5. Cockroach's taste ok and I have been
    arrested on a number of occasions.
    This is a toughie!

    6. I would take the ants. A bottle of
    aftershave over the bites takes the
    itch/pain away. Anyway, I'd be scared in
    case the hobo invited me back to her
    (gotta be a her) place for a coffee.

    I really couldn't let this one pass me by ... Poo, cockroaches, snots and the fuzz all in one place. Fantastic!

  12. ixy, i'd probably have bunny poking flashbacks much like my slug stomping flashbacks. i'm still going with the dog poo.
    ruth, our water is seperate from the power, which makes that choice easier for me. eek, no water or power in the winder is definitley worse.
    george, it's nice to see you back! apparently it takes the dark & nasty to bring you back out of the woodwork!

  13. Would you rather fart loudly in an elevator full of nuns or pick your nose at a large family dinner? It's the old anonymous vs. familiar embarrassment...

  14. None of these are good choices...can I pick watch TV and drink beer? lol

  15. don't make me play this game! I don't want to imagine ANY of these scenarios popping up in my life. I'm leaning toward topless though...

  16. Ew, I know I couldn't eat a hissing cockroach. So I guess it's jail for me..

  17. You always come up with the best post ideas, I love this and agree with all your answers! I cannot believe you stepped on a slug, though- I cannot stand the thought of that!


don't let me be the only one doing the talking around here. spill your guts!