Sunday, February 19, 2012

nail clipper medical plan

do you ever notice something about yourself that you don't especially like and wish you could do something about it? like maybe you want to slice off a blob of belly fat, but you're afraid of bleeding to death in your bathroom, so you don't. or maybe you wish your toes weren't webbed and sometimes you imagine yourself using a scalpel and just slicing the pesky webbing away so your feet look like all the other kids.

i suspect that we all have those moments. or maybe it's just me. and my people.

i know a man who had a toothache and instead of going to the dentist like a normal person, he got out his pliers and ripped that sore tooth straight out of his head.

ouch!

i have a family member who would periodically cut off a mole on his neck with nail clippers. just snip, then blood pouring out, then bye bye neck mole. until it grew back. then it was time for another round of snip. bleed. bye bye neck mole.

i've tied string around moles til they got shrivelly and then cut them off with nail clippers. but it doesn't work on all types of moles. i learned this the hard way. if it throbs for several days and starts to swell rather than shrink, it's probably the wrong kind. and then it's hard to cut the string back off. let this be a warning to you adventurous types out there. don't try this technique unless you have a backup plan for how to remove the string should it start throbbing, making you feel like that part of your body is going to explode.

i cut a plantar's wart out of the sole of my foot with nail clippers. i tell ya, those nail clippers are a surgeon's best friend! never sterile, but always handy and maneuverable.  and easy to rinse off when they get bloody.

one day, i decided that i didn't like it that one of my two front teeth was a little bit longer than the other one. it had been bothering me since those front teeth grew in during second grade. i decided it was time to do something about it, so i got out a metal nail file and started filing away. a little at a time because it was hard to stand the way it was radiating through my whole body for very long. but over the course of a couple hours, i got that one longish tooth evened up perfectly with the other and i even rounded off the edges a little so they'd match perfectly.

the moral of the story is, if you have string, pliers and a good manicure kit, you can take care of most of what ails you.

please share any of your home solutions because you never know when i might have a need for a new treatment plan.

38 comments:

  1. I can't lie Sherilin, the stuff about you filing your tooth and the guy who pulled his tooth out with pliers seriously gives me cringes at the thought of doing that to my own teeth. I'm pretty glad there's nothing I need to work on right now using such extreme methods although chiselling out a six pac would be cool I have to admit, haha!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ooo, chiseling out a six pack would be great if we were made of clay! but if you did it with flesh and bones it might be more of a "sick" pack than six.

      Delete
  2. I tried to remove some ugly fat by burning it!

    Got 2nd degree burns to my face for my troubles.

    I'm still ugly!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. burning off your face fat? i hadn't thought of that method of removal. did it crackle like when you drip fatty meat over a campfire?

      Delete
  3. Replies
    1. eva, do you want me to come over? we can play doctor. i'll bring my kit. it's pictured above.

      Delete
  4. my maternal grandfather pulled out his own tooth, and you know--I endorse it. THAT'S how hideous the dental office is.

    I've done the string thing, and a little clipper snip or two here and there.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. see, karen, i knew you had it in you to get a little work done at home. don't be squeamish, just snip snip!

      Delete
  5. I can appreciate your creativity but.....*Gak*. Opps. Sorry.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. it's okay if it made you gakky. not everyone can stomach the home method.

      Delete
  6. I once shaved off a mole. It was in my armpit and I wasn't paying attention. Never did come back.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The mole?
      Or your armpit?
      If it was the mole, good.
      If it was your armpit, your shirts probably look funny.
      And I don't mean funny like a clown.
      I mean funny like Mary Ann Sterback from 6th grade, who had those squinky eyes and a snaggle tooth.

      Delete
    2. wow! i have one close to my armpit. maybe next time i'm shaving, i'll try it with my eyes closed & see if i can lop it off.
      and al, you so funny. and her snaggle tooth wasn't the worst of it. remember how she smelled?

      Delete
  7. I just cringe at the mole thing. I have a very tiny mole on my back, and one time, when the wife was playfully reaching out to grab me, she snagged it and ripped it clean off. Blood everywhere. That was not fun.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jeezy PETE, how big was that frikkin' thing!!??

      Delete
    2. nice! you let the wife do the dirty work for you! did it grow back? was it stuck under her fingernail? inquiring minds want to know.

      Delete
  8. I...uh...um...err...eww...ouch!
    While nail clippers can work with moles, they're not a whole lotta good when you have gophers growing on your back.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. i hate it when gophers grow on my back. they're hard to reach for feeding.

      Delete
  9. I got rid of a lot of warts and flesh tags with clippers. I'm not the greatest fan of that procedure. I'd rather pluck nose hairs than that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. nose hairs, ear hairs. they're all expendable. and flesh tags are easy. you can even rip them off with a fingernail & give the clippers some time off for good behavior.

      Delete
  10. Wow, self cosmetic dentistry? You've way more guts than I do. Cheers to you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. neccessity and poverty are the mothers of all home procedures.

      Delete
  11. For years I tried to figure out how to straighten my own teeth with rubber bands. Never could get it right. The part I was apparently missing was the part where I would first have to yank out a tooth on each side to make room for the crookedy front ones to slide back into. Now that I have had an orthodontist do that for me I realize too late that I could have done it myself after all.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. you should have asked ray. i'm sure he would have been happy to help you with those spare teeth you had in your mouth.

      Delete
  12. My mother once removed a perfectly nostril-sized pebble from my nose with nothing but her wits and her pinky nail.

    :-) It's true.

    Pearl

    p.s. This was not a recent event, btw, in case anyone's wondering...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. your p.s. made me laugh out loud! good to know you're not still inclined toward tucking rocks into your nostrils for safe keeping.

      Delete
  13. I managed to get over the moles, and blood part....but when you said you filed down your tooth, I got goosebumps and the hair stood up on my neck (NOT that I have hair on my neck, but if I did, it would have stood up)
    Was a feeling, sensation akin to scrathing your nails down a black board.
    oooooo...I just got the shivers all over again.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. at least you didn't say that it was the hair on your BACK that was standing up.
      it kind of gives me goosebumps to remember it too. and i got a stern warning from my husband when i told him this story the other day not to be doing such foolish things again. and my daughter was warned to never listen to mommy's bad stories.

      Delete
  14. When my mom was young, her two front teeth were growing inward. When she went to the dentist to have it looked at, all he did was stick his thumb in behind her front teeth and yank forward. She has the straightest teeth I've ever seen!

    It's amazing what people can and will do, although I don't think I could ever nail clip a mole off of my body, lol. I'm too much of a wimp!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. that makes me teeth ache just to read it! were they baby or adult teeth?

      Delete
  15. Gurl....you're hard core. Filing a tooth? The sound of nails on a chalkboard makes my teeth hurt. I can't imagine the sound (and pain) of filing a tooth, nor do I want to.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. you mean you don't file your teeth down for kicks and giggles?

      Delete
  16. Being one who has survived many surgeries and removals of skin cancer, please stop and get these things checked out. :) That being said, I will never forget how funny it was when I went for a pedicure and the woman looked at my toe, and I was like, yeah, I know, I went a little crazy. She shook her head at me. For some reason, I went to town on my toenails with the clipper, and clipped a lot. A lot.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. oo, i've done that too. probably explains the two ingrown toenails i had.

      Delete
  17. Whoa- good to know, my friend. Not sure I will be filing any teeth anytime soon, but the rest may come in handy! I can always count on you to give it to me straight, ha! Your TMI is the best kind for sure!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. tmi is a good thing, isn't it? i should have had you fix my teeth for me. you've done enough school that i'm sure you'd know what you were doing better than i did!

      Delete
  18. Nice to know I'm not the only one that felt the need to break out the nail clippers for those annoying moles. If one gets too long I will irritate it all day everyday until its so sore I feel like the only relief is to just cut it off. And so I do. Lol!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Great information. Thanks for providing us such a useful information. Keep up the good work and continue providing us more quality information from time to time. Nail clippers

    ReplyDelete

don't let me be the only one doing the talking around here. spill your guts!