Saturday, February 27, 2010

roger & roxy

this school year, brooke & i have been studying birds for a science thing as we do second grade together. in the process of that, we've put out a few feeders & more recently blocks of suet on our tiny back deck. daily chris & brooke & i go out there & pile up sunflower seeds & other little goodies to keep the birds coming & it's been pretty cool to watch who comes to see us & eat from our buffet. i can deal with the inevitable squirrels which have been deemed furry pigs around here. however, what i can't seem to accept is the freakin raccoons!

we have a motion detector on our back deck so if there's movement, the light usually comes on, and if you watch the door often enough, you'll see it go on. i swear, when i see that light flip on, it's like i suddenly have a shot of pure adrenaline through my veins! the first time i saw the light on, i looked out & found two furry monsters in a silent feeding frenzy on the suet & i believe i screamed because they both looked at me & ran away really fast.

the next time i was ready. even when the light wasn't on, i kept walking to the door & peering out into the darkness hoping to see some sort of movement on the deck rail & sure enough, i finally spotted one. i ran for the camera & filmed it while it popped its head up to see me when i flipped on the light & then it scampered off while i banged on the window.

ever since that night, i've been developing an increasing obsession with the dang raccoons! i dream about them & lay in bed at night thinking about them & wondering if they're down there snacking on my peanut butter and lard patties that we made so painstakingly for the poor hungry birds.

one night, i heard our neighbor's dog start barking & looked at the door & sure enough, the light was on, so i crept over & was looking out the window onto an empty deck. i figured it had to be close, so i stayed there for a few minutes looking around & then i discovered that there was a dark, furry shape on the deck steps! it was low enough so i couldn't see it well, but the dogs were still barking, so i figured it was just hunkering down & waiting till the commotion died down so it could go back to feasting on our goodies. i, of course, didn't want it to come back, so i started banging on the window, but the critter didn't move. i was making a lot of noise & still nothing, but i was pretty sure i could see it breathing, so i got the bright idea to run upstairs so i could look down at it from the bedroom window & see what was going on. i opened the window & leaned out & sure enough, it was still there, still not moving. i started hissing & barking loudly thinking maybe i could scare it toward the woods, but still it didn't move! i leaned over to the other side of the window & that's when i saw the stick. actually, it was a handle. to a broom. and at the other end was the "breathing" furry straw broom that brooke had dropped there earlier in the day. needless to say i was feeling a bit foolish afterwards for barking, hissing, banging & yelling ... at a broom.

last night i got one again on film & tonight i caught two of them out there. i can't stop looking at the door to see if the light's on! i can't leave the kitchen because i might miss it! i want desperately to see them because they're adorable, like fatt-butted, skinny-footed, waddly little bears. the one i saw last night was so close to the house that if the window panes had been empty, i could have reached out & touched him! i realize that he would probably have snapped my finger off if i'd tried, but still i'd love to touch one.

tonight, after i'd attempted to scare off the duo we've dubbed roger & roxy, they were moving more slowly. rather than running away quickly like proper theives should, they kinda waddled down to the steps & just looked up at me. as if they were realizing that i'm really impotent & won't do anything, so they can feel free to stay close because i'm all bark & no bite. it wasn't 10 minutes later that i was sitting here, writing this & i saw that the light was on again! i went to the window intending to film the rapscallions again, but this time, i saw that there was a baby up there with the fat-butted mama! something in me went a little bit nutsy because i realized that she had scoped us out enough to decide that we're a safe place to bring the kids! and when i banged, they didn't even leave! they went down off the railing, but stayed on the deck like they were just waiting for me to leave again so they could go back to their fine dining experience. this time i ran to the other kitchen window that i can open & i yelled as nastily as i could at that dang coon mommy & her rascally offspring. i heard them actually leave that time & i'm pretty sure there were three of them.

sigh... i don't know if i love them or hate them, but they're certainly taking up way more of my brain than i ever would have thought possible. i expect that by midway through next week i'll look out the window & bang, hiss & bark & all they'll do is laugh & maybe flip me a bird.


  1. oh my goodness i am laughing so hard my kids think ive lost my mind!!! that is too funny about the stick and broom! but you know i would be doing the same thing if i had them, needless to say im sure my 3 little doggies wouldnt let them in the yard no matter what.
    when i was in high school my sister had a pet raccoon. it was weird. it hated my pony tails and would rip out my rubber band if it got behind me on the couch. they are sweet things when brought up from babies but mean and rabid if not! maybe you could put a big stick on the porch and when they get out there open the door a tiny little bit and switch them with the stick, but of course you have to promise to video tape and post that!!! lmao!!!! and if they give you the bird too!!!

  2. i've never heard of anyone having a raccoon for a pet! and thanks for the suggestion about the stick by the door. maybe i could just use the broom. as long as it's not breathing...

  3. You really should have posted the video on here. It was great. And if one of those bad boys flips you the bird, please get a photo. That will make my entire life!


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