Saturday, May 22, 2010

pregnancy dreams

just to start off here, i want to state for the record that i am NOT pregnant.
now, back to our regularly scheduled program.

tonight while i was hanging out with brooke during her bath, she was washing her mammary area & said, "someday when i'm a woman, if i ever find starving kittens with no mother to feed them, i will let them nurse from me. and even if it hurts me, better hurting on my body than starving kittens."

that made me think of a dream i had when i was pregnant. i dreamed that i had to nurse about 8 kittens and they had pointy teeth & they knew how to use them! i remember grimacing in pain & crying because of how they kept biting me, but still i kept it up. i couldn't very well thump them on the heads or yank them from my breasts because they might dig those teeth in harder like mini pit bulls. and the next night i dreamed that i was nursing snakes! i was in a pit of vipers and i was nursing them and their fangs! talk about a draining situation to find yourself in as a new mom!

there was another night when i dreamed that i was about to give birth and i was walking down a country road alone, trying to find just the right spot to keel over & heave ho when i came upon a large animal vet clinic. i thought it looked pretty good, certainly better than a murky ditch, so i stumble-ran in there & the first thing the vet did was put me up on a big cattle scale. apparently it mattered to him how much i weighed, and i must have looked at though i weighed as much as a cow. then he helped me into what i thought would be a room with a table so i could give birth hospital style, but instead, it was more like a stall, with a half door, top open, and all over the ground was a bunch of dirty hay. i paced around like a proper animal for a few minutes and eventually i squatted over the hay & PUSHED, and PUSHED and PUSHED some more. i finally managed to get it out and breathing deeply and painfully, i reached down to scoop up my new baby in my hands. i pulled it close & saw that it was a small bag. i realized that since i was in an animal environment, i would have to do it animal style, so i gnawed through that nasty, slimy bag to free my baby and allow it it's first breath. that's when i realized that all the bag contained was a pile of eyeballs. unattached, wet, staring eyeballs. i was pretty ticked off that i'd done all that work and had placenta breath, all for some disembodied peepers. i put my pants back on, put the eyeballs in my pocket and walked out of the vet's office & kept on going down the road, never looking back.

i would love to hear if anyone else had bizarre dreams while they were pregnant too. or am i the only freak around?

1 comment:

  1. Your dreams are super freaky! I mostly had dreams about making out with old flames. Those were the best dreams.... ;)


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