Monday, May 31, 2010

lily & the nail clippers

yesterday i woke up to, "hey mom!"
"i've been swimming!"
" huh? sszzzfff .... di ooo say swi-ing?"
"yeah! in the atlantic ocean!!"
"alanic?.... swimming? what?"

that's when i opened my eyes & turned to look at the person beside my bed & realize that my arm is wet. and there are goggled eyeballs 2 inches from my face.

"i'm lily the water-loving leopard & i've been taking a dip in the ocean this morning!"

and then the dripping leopard skips back into the bathroom for another dip.

a few minutes later my alarm goes off & i get up & shuffle through the puddles on my bedroom carpet & head into the bathroom where i find brooke in a pink leopard print bathing suit that's all twisted into a wad in the back thanks to criss-cross straps that can't be figured out alone. there's a red eyed wolf guarding the door, the large top to a toybox stretched across the middle of the bathroom, blocking my way, a soaked towel on the floor & damp jammies in a puddle. the leopard also has a snorkle in her mouth & is grinning at me while splashing about in about 4 inches of ocean.

i reach for the nail clippers to trim up a raggedy nail that i'd been chewing while reading in bed the previous night. i'm about to commence with the snippage when...

she tells me her foot warts are looking better & then hangs her head. and says quietly, "there's something i've been not telling you for a few days." uh-oh. "i was sitting on the toilet the other day, and i was bored, so i was clipping my toe nails with your nail clippers. and then i set the clippers onto my leg so i could reach the toilet paper. and then i forgot they were on my leg and so i wiggled." uh-oh again. i had to ask. "did they fall in?" head nod. "was there poop in there?" head nod again. "did you reach in & get them?" i ask with a sickening feeling about the clippers in my hand. she makes a gross face & says, "NO! they had to be flushed! i wasn't sticking my hand in there!"

so the nail clippers in my hand are safe, but the other pair is gone, but at least my kid didn't stick her hand in a poo toilet. and then i took a shower with a leopard because it wouldn't vacate the tub & i had to get ready for church. and that's how yesterday began.


  1. I am so glad that I am not the only one who lives like this... You would not believe what has been flushed in my home! LOL


don't let me be the only one doing the talking around here. spill your guts!