lily & the nail clippers

yesterday i woke up to, "hey mom!"
 "mmhmmm...?"
"i've been swimming!"
" huh? sszzzfff .... di ooo say swi-ing?"
"yeah! in the atlantic ocean!!"
"alanic?.... swimming? what?"

that's when i opened my eyes & turned to look at the person beside my bed & realize that my arm is wet. and there are goggled eyeballs 2 inches from my face.

"i'm lily the water-loving leopard & i've been taking a dip in the ocean this morning!"

and then the dripping leopard skips back into the bathroom for another dip.

a few minutes later my alarm goes off & i get up & shuffle through the puddles on my bedroom carpet & head into the bathroom where i find brooke in a pink leopard print bathing suit that's all twisted into a wad in the back thanks to criss-cross straps that can't be figured out alone. there's a red eyed wolf guarding the door, the large top to a toybox stretched across the middle of the bathroom, blocking my way, a soaked towel on the floor & damp jammies in a puddle. the leopard also has a snorkle in her mouth & is grinning at me while splashing about in about 4 inches of ocean.

i reach for the nail clippers to trim up a raggedy nail that i'd been chewing while reading in bed the previous night. i'm about to commence with the snippage when...

she tells me her foot warts are looking better & then hangs her head. and says quietly, "there's something i've been not telling you for a few days." uh-oh. "i was sitting on the toilet the other day, and i was bored, so i was clipping my toe nails with your nail clippers. and then i set the clippers onto my leg so i could reach the toilet paper. and then i forgot they were on my leg and so i wiggled." uh-oh again. i had to ask. "did they fall in?" head nod. "was there poop in there?" head nod again. "did you reach in & get them?" i ask with a sickening feeling about the clippers in my hand. she makes a gross face & says, "NO! they had to be flushed! i wasn't sticking my hand in there!"

so the nail clippers in my hand are safe, but the other pair is gone, but at least my kid didn't stick her hand in a poo toilet. and then i took a shower with a leopard because it wouldn't vacate the tub & i had to get ready for church. and that's how yesterday began.