my child is talking on the phone to a friend of hers who moved out of town a few months ago. listening to them talking is pretty amusing because it's so random & utterly bizarre.
i heard brooke say, "you guys found a rattlesnake??!!!....... seriously?!........ did you use a large flat thing & press down on it's neck to crush its windpipe so that it suffocated?..... then did you cut it open so that you could see the venom?........ venom is very intriguing to me. it entices me to want to see a dead snake."
"i wish you were my sister. yeah, cuz then you could sleep over forever & forever & you'd never have to go back home. and we would always have fun at my house & you wouldn't be so far away. i'm putting my eyeball to the phone now..... but i can't see you, only hear you.... if i spit at the phone, wouldn't it be funny if it came through the phone & hit you?!"
"do you know how to beat box? or instead of beat boxing the regular way, can you beat box w/ fart sounds? like this!! (she proceeds to make every filthy farty noise in her repertoire as loudly & repeatedly as she can)...... isn't that cool?"
"what kind of fish do i like best? oh, weeelllll.... i would have to say that i like betas the best... i used..... i used to...... i had.... one time i...... I USED TO HAVE ONE AND ITS NAME WAS TANK & MY DADDY FLUSHED HIM DOWN THE TOILET BECAUSE I KEPT TAKING THE ROCKS OUT OF HIS AQUARIUM AND HE SAID THAT ALL DRAINS LEAD TO THE OCEAN LIKE ON NEMO AND I BELIEVED HIM BECAUSE I WAS A TODDLER!"
"my friend has justin beiber's phone number... for REAL!!!.... i'm serious, i called him on her phone & heard his voice mail. i left him a message & sometimes when she calls him, she tells him she loves him. do you love him?...... me?..... i don't want to talk about it."
"who do I have a crush on? umm.... hang on a second, i need to take this call outside....(the door shuts & i creep to it & press my ear to the door and hear her say) "........he's pretty cute & he wears a hat a lot.... his eyes? oh, they're blue.... and one time, i kind of leaned my head onto his shoulder! just a little bit!.... i know! EEEEEE" (then i had to scamper away from the door because she came back in.)
"TURTLES TURLTLES TURTLES!"
"i don't want to talk anymore. goodbye."