happiness junkie

i feel like an old grandma or something when i say this, but i think that what's wrong w/ the world today is that people in this country are turning into happiness junkies. on the surface, that seems silly because what's wrong w/ happiness? if you've got to be addicted to something, that sounds like a good one. except that it's not. because life isn't continually happy. relationships aren't always going to be easy or smooth. our health and bodies won't stay perfect indefinitely, despite our best efforts (or at least our best wishes).

i think a lot of people look at their thickening waistline or drooping boobs & feel like they're failing somehow. sure, it's great to stay thin for the health of your body, but you shouldn't feel like you're a less valuable person because you don't have the body of a 20 yr old athlete anymore. there is so much more to life than being sexy. i am overweight, granted, but i've lived life on the other side too & i honestly think i've got more going for me as a human being now than i did when i was a sexy little 20-something. i have fewer body image issues now than i did back then & fewer than a lot of my much thinner, more svelte friends do now. i think it's because i finally believe that my worth isn't caught up in my outer wrappings. sure, i do make an effort to stay showered & put on makeup before leaving the house, but i'm lovable, even if i'm not fixed up. and i have a fantastic husband who shows & tells me that i'm pretty even when the mirror says i'm not.

it seems sad to me when people look at their lives & see mostly the negatives. they see the fight they had w/ their spouse or kids & that looms larger than the years of mostly good stuff they've lived up to that point. so many people feel dissatisfied with their lives because they only seem to be able to see & feel the bad parts. the money issues or lack of mushy feelings or whatever the issues are take on inappropriate significance.

when i was in college one of our profs said, "act your way into your feelings, don't feel your way into your actions." i really took that to heart. when i was 18 it seemed like that wasn't even possible, but i was willing to try & as it turns out, a lot of the time it works. there are a lot of things in my life that i could point to & show someone how my life sucks & i could justify being miserable. but why would i want to do that? i could point out my husbands flaws or failings & determine that i need a new one. but if we're going by that standard, then he could just as quickly point out mine & trade me in for a new model too. i choose to look at all the things about our lives that are good & let my focus linger there. i don't want to be sad or miserable or feel like i got the crappy end of the stick. i want to smile & laugh & enjoy life in a real way.

i don't want to spend my life searching for my next happiness fix. if i did that, like i used to, then i'd always be looking for something new. trying to replace my current blah things w/ the next great thing. i'd be putting the responsibility for my own happiness onto someone or something else. that seems backwards & counter productive. i am the only one who's responsible for my feelings. only i can keep them in check. only i can pick me up when i get low. God can help me to adjust my attitude when it seems too far down to fix it myself & he does. there's no man or food or body or kid or life that can fix me. and when i turn to God & myself and just do the work, God and i get all the credit. and somehow, by not searching for that next happiness fix & instead finding ways to see the happy i already have, i can maintain joy on the inside. and compared to joy, happy is over rated.