i'm hanging my head now in the awkwardness of that statement. when i say that i'm obsessed, i don't mean it in the look-at-my-face-it's-really-gorgeous-and-should-be-photographed-for-the-glossy-pages-of-a-magazine kind of way. i mean it more in the i-can't-walk-past-a-mirror-without-leaning-in-for-a-close-look-at-my-current-zit/peeling/hair-growth-situation kind of way. i never had terrible skin as a teenager. it wasn't great, but no big deal. but when i turned 30, it was like my face decided to try out this acne business and it went for it with gusto. and apparently, it really liked it & was good at it, so it decided to keep the acne around for a while. brooke was three then & she used to stare and point at my spots & once she told me that she'd pray for Jesus to fix me. another time she offered to take me to the vet to get my face owies away.
i managed to get it under control with Proactive for a few years, but recently it's come back and it's making me miserable. i feel like since i'm chubby, and i can't afford to dress my chubby self in particularly fashionable clothes, the least i can do is make my head look good. my hair can go either way - sometimes it's friendly to me & other times it's crap. but my face is usually the only thing left that i can control because even when you're poor, you can still buy makeup & skillfully apply it in such a way that you play up whatever assets you've got.
but my face has betrayed me. and it must be punished. i feel compelled to stuff my face into mirrors several times a day with my nose practically pressed against the glass so that i can pick, dig & squeeze my skin into submission. that doesn't really work though. it just makes it uglier. and i can't keep my fingers from exploring my bad skin, even when i'm out of the house. i'll peel or pick at myself even while walking through a store, never mind that i leave little bloody, flaming red spots oozing on my face. i wish i could blame my compulsion on an illness, much the same way a drinker blames alcoholism. in theory, you can just choose not to take that drink, but the alcoholic can't seem to resist the urge. in much the same way, i can't seem to keep my hands off my face even though i know the results are detrimental to my health and beauty.
i feel like the quality of my day is directly related to the state of my face. i know that's shallow. i wish i could i could say that i was a better person than that, but until i figure out how to work through my pickaholism, please, try not to stare when i come out of a bathroom with bright red blotches on my face. and a TP tail.
I feel the same way. And I work in a store with no less than 15 mirrors. I spend my day checking out my ass and my face, hoping that I will be remotely happy with what I see. It rarely happens.
ReplyDeleteHave you tried Clean & Clear foaming facial cleanser? It works on Kiddo. It works about the best of anything we tried and I took her to a dermatologist. She was 12 and they wanted to do a chemical peel because nothing else was working. But, this seems to do pretty good. Also the toner.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you can try face transplantation??
ReplyDeleteI just pretend mirrors don't exist, then I have nothing to fear!
ReplyDeleteYou and my wife need to hang out. She could teach you to do it with no mirror. She often complains about it, but hasn't stopped yet. ;)
ReplyDeleteSherilin, I have had most of my terrible skin problems as an adult, I had these horrible and painful zits that were more like sores and were wreaking havoc on my sensitive skin and the worst part is that I am a POPPER!! I love the squeeze, pop, pick and watch those little buggers explode. I know, its gross, wrong and disgusting but I have always been that way. So it makes it worse, and I have gone to the dermatologist for years, but those nasty, red bumps keep coming back!
ReplyDeleteI don't have a zit very often any more, but it's those damned facial hairs that keep coming back. I spend my time squinting at my face with the tweezers in hand, ready to pounce on what looks like an eyebrow growing in the wrong place!
ReplyDeleteWhen I saw th epost header I was not ready for the content of this post.
ReplyDeleteNope I thought you were going to talk about, being a Picker as being and Antique Picker, one who finds beautiful antiques and trinkets........
I had to make a face all the way through this wonderfully graphic, detailed post.
For the exception, of the talented writing and your obvious self esteem dilema, it was so graphic it was gross. In a good way.
I am never going to look at a zit on anyone's face again in the same light.
I have no magic answers for you.
But do you have a problematic period? Sometimes this is so hormonal..like PCOS related.
Sherilin, YOu are a gifted writer and inspite of the graphic detail, I enjoyed it! LOL.
woman, since I turned 38, I waste VAST amounts of time scrutinizing my face for all signs of wrinkles and miscellaneous URGLINESS. My skin was horrendous after having Jack. Actually...I had a few sessions of having to be on an antibiotic for it, but it seems to be in remission now for whatever reason. I don't eff around with it--just wash it with Pears soap, and that's it. Do you have Pears in them there parts of the US???
ReplyDeleteUsually when you have acne as an adult, it is called adult acne and is actually something that can be corrected with antibiotics.
ReplyDeleteCheck with your doctor.
I check my face too but for unwanted hair growth and in an effort to will away the double-chin that has sprouted into existence.
carrie, i work cleaning houses. with mirrors. i have to try really hard to clean those bathrooms without actually looking at myself in the mirrors or my days at work would take so much longer!
ReplyDeleteruth, i haven't tried the clean & clear, ruth, thanks for the suggestion.
runaway, a face transplant? seems extreme. maybe just a skin transplant.
laughing mom, maybe i should try that. i'd probably be happier. but then, what's a day without a little self-flagellation?
paul, she's a tricky picker, isn't she? i could learn some things from her!
jd, i feel your pain!
eva & nari, i'd be willing to trade you guys for some pimples for some hair. at least you can just pull those things out & be done with them!
melissa, i'm sorry. i tried to reign in some of the extra gross stuff that i wanted to say. but anytime i write icky stuff, i feel like i've covered my bases by warning people at the top of my blog. "TMI - it's what i do best." it would never have even occurred to me that a picker might be an antique shopper. i don't think i've ever purchased an antique in my life - i just admire them in other people's houses.
karen, i don't believe i've ever heard of or seen pear's soap, so i'm guessing we don't have it here.
nari, i don't have health ins, so i don't go to the doc unless i'm about to die. i've been twice in 8 years & both times were last fall when i was super duper sick with ear infections, sinus infections & pneumonia. so far i haven't been in danger of death by zits, just death of my ego.
I have to agree, though, there is a certain satisfaction with picking at something real good.
ReplyDeleteUgh... you might already know my stance on the whole situation. It SUCKS! I can't believe we're still having to deal with this crap. I've been popping zits for over 20 years now - how sad is that!?
ReplyDeleteI've got it down to a fine art now though; I can usually get just enough so the white head is gone, but no blood... unless it's a doozie.
I had to go on Accutane in my 30's to combat this problem- the hormonal rage of pimples. So cruel! But the few months of taking the medicine made all the difference.
ReplyDeleteHowever, at age 48, I feel a zit just coming up under my lower left chin. It never really ends.
I feel your pain.
(I'm a new follower. I'm enjoying your blog!)
I am a picker. I finally went on Accutane (pimple chemo) and things cleared up. I never had acne as a teen, it was the Thirties that made my skin turn on me!
ReplyDeleteI won't stare. But I will say: Quit picking at your fucken face Sherilin! Are you kidding me? You're gorgeous. It will pass. Get some coverup, feel beautiful, and the zits shall leave in shame.
ReplyDeleteIn the meantime, have you seen a dermatologist?
I understand how you feel. Every morning when I wake up, I stare at myself in the mirror (I haven't eaten yet so it's no problem keeping my breakfast down) to see what nature has wrought during the night. While my zits have receded into my distant past, I now have to contend with nose hairs coming out to say "howdy!" and hair on the tops of my ears which give me an uncanny resemblance to Yoda. Tweeze and yank. Tweeze and yank.
ReplyDeleteOh, I have also used Biori strips to remove the blackheads from my nose. They work real well. They get rid of the little black plugs, but my schnozz winds up looking like a practice golf ball.
That's so sweet and surprisingly hilarious that the baby said she was going to pray for Jesus to fix your face. Sorry. I did have bad skin as a teenager and I know that it is actually impossible to keep you hands out of your face when there's BS going on. Don't think you're shallow at all.
ReplyDeleteMary Kay has an Acne Treatment Gel that works like a charm when I break out. Also, I find that when I use a mask on my face before bedtime, it gets rid of blemishes quicker.
Hang in there!
I deal with adult acne and I too, am a picker. Whoa! That felt good! Actually, I see a dermatologist because my skin is the color of milk and when I pick, I scar up nice and brown! She put me on Epiduo cream (once a day at bedtime, but, since I'm a lazy cow, I'd put it on in the morning because i was too tired the night before.) Still worked and my acne is practically non existent! Good luck!
ReplyDeleteReminds me of seinfield "No pick!"...NO PICKkkkkkkkkkk lol.
ReplyDeleteYEah it's a compulsion thing, they have some cool scientific name for it. I have the same obsession w/ hair... if it's out of place, wirey, grey or just bothering me it's outta here! I pick sometimes too if there's a blemish. But what do I do about my wrinkles, I swear all this crap i buy to tru to get rid of wrinkles just exposes my years of sun damaged skin so then I have to put crap on my face to get rid of the precanerous shit. Ok yeah, I loathe mirrors too, this is not a great blog to read on my 40th b-day night... bah! oh well, I want to crack a joke so I can say "just pickin'" LOL hahaha :D
Me too. I feel like I'm way to old to be dealing with all that. The next doctor that tells me I'm blessed to have oily skin because it preserves your skin is...well...they'd better run! Hope it gets better soon! Dang hormones!
ReplyDeleteMe too. I feel like I'm way to old to be dealing with all that. The next doctor that tells me I'm blessed to have oily skin because it will keep me from having wrinkles is...well...they'd better run! Hope it gets better soon! Dang hormones!
ReplyDelete