trouble-making mouth

i swear, some days my mouth must be mad at me because it says the stupidest things!

example number 1.

yesterday my landlord came over to change our air filter. he does this every month & as he's young and friendly, we always chat for a few minutes while he's here. normally he uses the cheap, skinny filters, but this time he brought over a new kind that's thicker & supposed to do a better job. the only trouble was, with the new filter, getting it crammed into the small space was proving to be a bit challenging for him since it's way up high & awkward to access.

i was watching him struggle & then i said, "it's a lot harder to get it in when it's stiff, isn't it?"

he snickered. my brain kicked in. holy crap, i can't believe i just said that to this guy! i need to backtrack! i need to make it less awful! i need to say something about how the old floppy ones were easier to work with. NO, that will make it worse. say something about stiff, not stiff was what you meant to suggest. NO, don't say stiff again!

say nothing. don't make eye contact. go stand in the corner and don't speak anymore. your mouth cannot be trusted. he let himself out quietly while i banged my head into the cupboard, my cheeks flushed with humiliation.

example number 2.
today i went to the grocery store. they had a buy 1, get one free on cantaloupes, so of course, i bought 2. when my groceries were being bagged at check-out, the bagger accidentally put the bag with the cantaloupes into the cart of the man at the next register.

the other customer caught it & returned my bag of fruit, at which time i said, "thanks for noticing. otherwise i'd have gotten home and wouldn't have been able to find my melons."

yeah, my mouth is a troublemaker.