Wednesday, August 24, 2011


when i was single and about 20, i had a guy friend who was cute. actually, i had a lot of guy friends who were cute, but this story is only about one of them. we didn't know each other well, but we had several mutual friends and often hung out in the same group of people. he was nicer than most of the guys i knew and never seemed like he was trying to be cool or impress anyone with his "game".

we kind of checked each other out for a while and eventually he asked me out. i was glad that he did and happily said yes. i think we went out for dinner or a movie and then afterwards, we went to a little ice cream shop. we were having fun, but i wasn't feeling like there was a romantic connection between us. it felt like going out with a friend or maybe my cousin.

while we were eating ice cream and laughing, i noticed that he was looking at my boobs. then he wasn't laughing or smiling anymore. he was staring very intently at my deep cleavage and didn't seem to be listening to what i was saying. i stopped talking & just stared at him, wondering what was going on.

then he reached out his hand & started slowly reaching toward me. and not just reaching toward me, but reaching toward my chest. this was completely out of character for him, especially since we were on a first date & sitting in a public shop surrounded by families. i just watched him, almost mesmerized by the oddity of it.

then he suddenly SLAPPED me, right on the top of my left boob! my jaw dropped, my eyes popped and i was speechless. that's when he looked up at my face & noticed the shock and he started stammering. he finally managed to explain that there had been a bug crawling down my shirt from my collarbone, heading into the crack of my boobs and he'd managed to slap it away before it made contact with skin.

he turned red in the face and i burst out laughing because of how crazy it had all been for a minute there. we didn't have a second date, but stayed friends, and i still like to tell his wife that story sometimes.


  1. too funny... the hubs tries to use that excuse all the time just so he can touch my boobs.... I fell for it a few times.

  2. I once had a random stranger grab my boob at the bagel shop. I just stared at him and he just said, "Good god, I'm so sorry. I couldn't help it." Uh-huh. Riiiight.

  3. i just sent a link to this story to my friend, the bug slapper, to see if he remembered it differently or if he would confess to pulling one over on me.
    he read it & this was his response.
    "I remember that moment well. Your story is accurate, well written, flattering, and funny. I appreciate the anonymity too, wink. Btw, that bug was a roach! I just couldn't let it go in, but why I went for it without warning you I'll never know!"
    if it was someone else, i'd be inclined to think it was a sneaky attempt to feel me up, but knowing him, i don't think so. just a disgusting roach. and for the record, i'm glad he slapped it to keep it out of my boobage. yuck!
    sarah, that's hilarious! how bizarre!

  4. Wow, I honestly thought he was just a creeper in cool guy's clothing. What a funny story.

  5. good thing he just HAPPENED to be looking there! Phew!

  6. karen, i'm sure it was hard not to look. they're pretty big & i'm sure i was wearing a shirt with a very low neckline. got to show off whatever assets we've got, right?

  7. I'll remember that line. Hopefully it works for me. Do you think it would work with butts too?

  8. Those sneaky Boob Bugs.
    Musta been a Dude Bug.
    No way it was a June Bug.
    Unless it was a Lesbug.
    The End

  9. george, i think you should try it & see if it works with butts too.
    al, i feel honored that you were inspired to write poetry based on my post. i'm weeping a little bit here. that was just beautiful.


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