Sunday, March 13, 2011

trouble-making mouth

i swear, some days my mouth must be mad at me because it says the stupidest things!


example number 1.
yesterday my landlord came over to change our air filter. he does this every month & as he's young and friendly, we always chat for a few minutes while he's here. normally he uses the cheap, skinny filters, but this time he brought over a new kind that's thicker & supposed to do a better job. the only trouble was, with the new filter, getting it crammed into the small space was proving to be a bit challenging for him since it's way up high & awkward to access.

i was watching him struggle & then i said, "it's a lot harder to get it in when it's stiff, isn't it?"

he snickered. my brain kicked in. holy crap, i can't believe i just said that to this guy! i need to backtrack! i need to make it less awful! i need to say something about how the old floppy ones were easier to work with. NO, that will make it worse. say something about stiff, not stiff was what you meant to suggest. NO, don't say stiff again!

say nothing. don't make eye contact. go stand in the corner and don't speak anymore. your mouth cannot be trusted. he let himself out quietly while i banged my head into the cupboard, my cheeks flushed with humiliation.

example number 2.
today i went to the grocery store. they had a buy 1, get one free on cantaloupes, so of course, i bought 2. when my groceries were being bagged at check-out, the bagger accidentally put the bag with the cantaloupes into the cart of the man at the next register.

the other customer caught it & returned my bag of fruit, at which time i said, "thanks for noticing. otherwise i'd have gotten home and wouldn't have been able to find my melons."

yeah, my mouth is a troublemaker.

24 comments:

  1. Funny. Don't "bang" the cupboard though. ;)

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  2. That is hilarious. You sound a lot like me. lol

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  3. That's great - sounds like everynight conversation aound here! LOL!

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  4. Yep, been there, done that (sometimes on purpose).
    I think I may have said this (I can't help myself so I probably did) but, I remember one Thanksgiving when, as were setting the table, this conversation came up between a friend and my father-in-law, who had brought one of those huge cans of Planters Cocktail Nuts (yeah, you probably know where this is going).
    My friend, being polite, leaned over and said, "Hey, Frank, can I see your nuts?"
    To which I replied, "Ya know, we can leave you two alone for about a half hour if you like."

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  5. Love it! Hilarious slip of the tongue!

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  6. As member of the itty bitty titty club, I would kill for some melons.

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  7. Holy cow....this is so freaking funny! I love you for sharing this and just making me smile...and feel a lot more normal about the things I say and do!

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  8. Lol!!!! I do this ALL the time. It's funny how our brains don't put two and two together until it's too late, isn't it?

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  9. That is so funny. My husband and I would have followed both of those comments with "that is what he/she said!" It makes life more interesting so keep saying the silly stuff!

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  10. Awesome! I love what you are thinking! LOL

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  11. oh I LOVE coming here for a laugh darling! that was awesome!!!

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  12. I too know what shoe tastes like.
    I recently left out the word "Cancer" when making an announcement about Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

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  13. Heeheehee! And I thought I was bad at 'opening my mouth while switching off my brain'as my mother would say.
    I once taught a whole class of fifteensixteen year old rugby playing boys. I was explaining the plot of 'Lord Of The Flies' to them and said 'The boys' plane got into difficulties and so they ejaculated onto the island!' I was never allowed to forget that episode.
    Thank you for making me laugh out loud this morning.
    Carol

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  14. HAHAHAHAHAH! Oh girl, this happens to me about once every 15 minutes! You are hilarious!

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  15. I think a lot of us find ourselves in those predicaments sometimes. I am a poster person for "trouble mouth"

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  16. The Stiff comment is a Classic!!!
    You know what they say about Fruedian Slips...

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  17. be proud of your trouble making mouth! When you blurt out another gem like that, you should just look at the person and GRIN, and see what the hell THEY say!

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don't let me be the only one doing the talking around here. spill your guts!