Friday, March 2, 2012

adolescent aspie

my child continues to surprise me. she says and does things that are funny and interesting and often so different from me. i feel like i don't relate to a lot of things about brooke, but that kind of makes her even more intriguing and vaguely mysterious.

i just bought a book about asperger's syndrome in adolescence. it's for parents or teachers of kids between the ages of 10 and 18. everything i've read before was aimed at parents of younger kids, so it's good to be reading about the next phase.

the wiring in aspie brains is different than the wiring of a neuro-typical (NT) person and this becomes even more apparent during puberty. i realize that brooke isn't 10 yet, but she's certainly started puberty and she's already dealing with some of those difficult changes. reading this book is helping me to feel like some of her glitches  have legitimate reasons behind them and they aren't cause for frustration or correction, but rather compassion and calmness.

some things about her please me tremendously. like when she says things about her brain. she's always talked about her brain since she was about 4 and learned what a brain was. just now she told me that her brain is really interesting and it has a unique feature that allows her to play movies in her head of things that happened far back in her past and the movies aren't just from her own perspective, but also from the view of someone else who was watching her. she told me very clearly about something that happened when she was just a couple months past her second birthday. and she got the details right, so it had to be a real memory of her own because the parts she remembered weren't the things i would have recalled about that day.

yesterday she came running inside after playing out in the beautiful spring air for a while and said, "mommy, mommy! this day smells so awesome! it smells just like the library's porch!"

she says strange things to me and laughs openly at me. i'll admit that it's often what would be considered disrespectful to most parents, but i know she's not trying to be rude, she's just calling it how she sees it and she doesn't comprehend that honesty sometimes isn't the best policy. you should see her double over in cackling laughter when i do a workout video. i've been working out with a few "hip hop abs" videos (i know, so dorky, but they make my muscles ache afterwards, so they're clearly working for me) and for her, it's like a great comedy show. i think if i let her, she'd pop a bag of popcorn to munch while watching the hilarious flailing of mommy, sweating and moaning while i stomp, jump and crunch around the room.

aspies are often known for their lack of voice intonation and sometimes sound monotone when they speak. they often don't have very expressive faces, but brooke doesn't have those problems. she's so expressive and has recently mastered voices and accents. for a long time, reading was a really challenging thing for her, but this year, it finally clicked and now she's reading chapter books comfortably. she just read me a couple pages out of a silly book she's been reading called Hank the Cowdog and the Case of the Booby-trapped Pickup. she used different voices for different characters and pronounced all the words so well that i made a little video. it makes my heart happy to see her so fully overcome the reading challenge and actually come to a place where she's obviously enjoying reading.

27 comments:

  1. Amazingly interesting stuff Sherilin, I find the minds of people with aspergers very different and difficult to comprehend but at the same time all it should be looked at is a different perspective and differing perspectives are good. The video was very cute too.

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    1. she certainly has a different perspective on life. and you're right that differing perspectives are a good thing. they make us think about stuff, whether we agree or not.

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  2. I love hearing stories about Brooke, Sherilin, because she's always been such an interesting, creative, sunshine-filled person. Sometimes I think, as far as these spectrum "disorders" are concerned, that on one hand these poor kids are impeded by horrible anxiety and unwitting social gaffes, secret parts of their brains are unlocked and it makes them MAGICAL.

    In other news, hip hop abs doesn't sound goofy. It sounds like it might be energizing and fun. Well...not as fun as sitting here right now with my coffee. Sigh. A lot of those workout tapes are pure torture. I did tae-bo several years back, and I got tired of GETTING ANGRY to get fit all the time.

    Oh! And that is FANTASTIC about Brooke's reading! I know that was a big struggle for you just last school year.

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    1. i love that you said she's a sunshine filled person! we had a few dark years, but the sun shines much of the time again now.
      hip hop abs is fun. it doesn't hurt that the man who leads it is cute and funny & says things like "go ahead and look at my buns while you work out. they're here to inspire you."
      and yes, reading was a big, annoying hurdle last year, but it looks like we've made it to the other side.

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    2. i have to add that i agree that something magical is unlocked in kids like ours. it's like little of their brain is wasted on thinking about stuff they don't care about, so it lets them be extra wonderful at the things that matter to them.
      since brooke was about 2, people have been telling me that there's something uniquely special about her. i thought that it was just a comment to flatter a mom, but even strangers who she talks to in public say things like. and moms who have lots of kids of their own. i don't know if it's true, but she certainly is uniquely unique.

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  3. and isn't it nice that Brooke has you for a teacher, and you're always coming up with creative ways to learn, instead of some fat ass in polyester pants who is bored and annoyed and just writes on the blackboard for hours on end???

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    1. there's definitely not polyester blackboard writing around here. just me in my mom-pants trying to make her laugh to keep her from getting too frustrated by the hard stuff. sometimes i'm terribly inappropriate just because i know it'll make her smile and maybe be able to set aside whatever is bothering her.

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    2. super cute video too. I didn't get to watch it earlier, as I was booted off the computer.

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    3. isn't she so cute and expressive? you could tell she was having fun reading it. most days she reads to one of the cats. or if we're at my parents' house, she reads to their st bernard. having a reading buddy helps.
      have you ever read any of the hank the cowdog books? they're pretty funny & jack's probably old enough to enjoy them if you read chapter books to him.

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  4. Go Brooke! She can read to me any time! (And I noticed a couple times in that video she even looked like me when I was her age, half a century ago.) Good job pushing past the obstacles and achieving great success with teaching her to read so well!

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    1. how funny that she looked like you as a kid! i love how genetics are a gift that keep on giving.
      sometimes i think brooke is her own best teacher. i just have to make room for her to figure things out her own way and try to keep her on track when she wants to run away from hard things.

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  5. One of the joys of raising children is that you can watch them develop into their own persons (does that make sense?). I can see that just by watching the video. Goodness knows you can see it even more.

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    1. it does make sense. and she is certainly her own person. she's got her own values and opinions and as long as she's got a reason for them, i can totally allow her to think her own thoughts and feel her own feelings in peace.

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  6. First off, Brooke is adorable.

    It's nice to hear such good things. Reading for my son (with Asperger's) right now is so frustrating. He just doesn't get it. It's good to see how, with time, things change.

    Thanks for the book information. I've been wondering what our next set of challenges would be as he gets older. I can already see changes and have been struggling. Thank you.

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    1. thanks, lizbeth. i think she's pretty cute too. reading and spelling used to be really hard and anxiety causing, but as you can see, she overcame it. spelling finally seems to have clicked too. oddly enough, that happened over summer vacation last year. like her brain was just finally ready to spell right. i'm hoping that might happen with math next.
      i definitely recommend that book for parents whose kids are getting toward the end of elementary school. it suggests some crazy things, like teach your kids slang and bad words because it may save them some really embarrassing times where they say something bad without realizing it because some other kid tricked them into it. how many parenting books think you should teach your kids swear words? not many, but in this circumstance, it makes perfect sense to me.

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  7. I often cannot fathom evening raising a child let alone one with some type of challenge in their life. Brooke is nothing short of wonderful Sherilin... And you are a fantastic mom!

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    1. thanks, trace! i find her to be wonderful much of the time too.

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  8. My aspie 11 year old is going through the BOY hormonal changes.. found out recently he likes boobs.

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    1. oh my gosh, the things mothers of boys have to figure out! kinda makes me glad mine's a girl!

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    2. Ah but that's what Hubby is for! While I have told my son he can come to me with anything..I am happy to leave it with Hubby.
      Boys are gross..lol.

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  9. I have "hip hop cardio" and "dance off the inches". We are some cool ladies, huh?
    My kid says a lot of things other parents would call disrespectful. I figure she's telling me how she feels. I'd rather have that than a totally depressed kid that can't express herself.
    It looks like you are doing great with Brooke.

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    1. we are super cool, ruth! better doing the wacky routines at home than doing nothing and just having a nap on the couch!
      i'm just glad she talks to me rather than holding it all in. and i believe in open communication even if there's a possibility for hurt feelings because the alternative is closed communication & that wouldn't work for me. plus, her saying whatever she wants to me gives me the chance to teach her about what she can & can't say to other people out of the house.

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  10. She's a cutie patootie if you ask me! Love her hat!

    Just did Zumba for the first time. I looked like a fool, but I'm still sore! Good job working out!

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  11. What a special little girl you have. We worked with a boy that has Aspergers in church for awhile and he simply amazed me! What you wrote about her seeing movies in her head is so interesting! I think next we need a video of this hip hop abs action- sounds like a fun time:-) ha.

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  12. What a great skill - being able to watch movies of your past from other people's perspective. I'm so glad reading has 'clicked' for her. You must be really proud of her.

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  13. I need to check out that book. My son just turned 10.

    Love her hat by the way :)

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  14. Wow, she sounds great! She has a really nice reading voice - just seems to flow naturally - it's kind of surprising to hear that she was struggling! What an interesting little girl you have... you're really very lucky to have such a warm and loving relationship with your daughter. I imagine it's not always perfect, but sure can't say that it ever is with any kid, :)

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don't let me be the only one doing the talking around here. spill your guts!