Thursday, April 5, 2012

hottie? or nottie...

we've all had embarrassing moments. times when we tooted in a quiet room or had a boob pop out at the water park. everyone does it.

and we've all had times when we felt good about ourselves. a great hair day or a thoughtful compliment from someone.

but have we all had a day that included both? maybe. let me tell you about mine.

many years ago, in the land before husband, i went to a friend's house to hang out. my friend was a couple years younger than me, so she was still in high school, but i was finished by then. her family was all there, including an uncle who i'd never met before. he wasn't so much older than me - maybe ten years - and i thought he was rather cute.

we decided to watch a movie. i was sort of flirting with the uncle who was returning to favor and i was feeling rather pleased with myself that a guy that much older was paying a little bit of attention to me. at the end of the movie, as the credits rolled, a really great song came on. i stood up off the floor where i'd been lounging and proceeded to bust a move. no one else in the room was dancing. just me.

i was pretty sure that i was getting checked out from the rear view, so i made sure to shake my butt extra frisky-like to be sure that it was adequately appreciated by the uncle.

suddenly i was grabbed by the arm and dragged out of the room by my friend. she hauled me to the bathroom without a word, pushed me in and closed the door. i hesitated for a moment, not sure what the heck was going on or why she'd interrupted my fabulously sexy dance solo.

she was only gone for about 30 seconds, but when she returned, she handed me a pair of jeans. i was perplexed. then she turned me around and had me look at my rear in the mirror. there, all over the butt of my jeans was the biggest, most obvious period stain i've ever had. not a dainty little dime-sized spot, but more like i'd been shot in the rump with a bazooka.

i cleaned up, put on my friend's pants and then tried to find a way to escape out of the house without being seen. i didn't want to even open the door because i knew i'd have to walk past the people who'd seen my period dance. my face was purple from the mortification. my pants were wadded in my armpit. my ego was damaged beyond repair.

eventually i had to slink out and face the people. they were very nice and no one said anything about my mishap. the uncle even walked me to my car. he stood in the road and smooched me under the street light.

my ego was slightly patched up after the kiss, but i never heard from him again. it was probably a pity kiss, but i was grateful for it.

my heart still pounds and my cheeks still burn when i remember that bloody night.

31 comments:

  1. Oooooh friend. This is .... Yeah. At least you weren't 36. At least you weren't at work. At least a coworker didn't have to wash a chair for you while you hid in a bathroom stall.

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    1. oh shan, that's just painful! i wonder if we're more delicate at 20 or 36. i'm glad you have a chair-washing coworker watching out for you.

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  2. Sherilin, just when I think I've heard it all, you surprise me with yet another hilarious moment that once again reminds me of my life on a daily basis. Thanks so much for the laughs. Aunt Joan

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    1. i know you've got plenty of these stories yourself. i inherited my talent for such from you, you know.

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  3. That is sooooooo terrible! But oh so funny so hear about!

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    1. i bet you have some of those types of stories of your own. i suspect you have a special knack for embarrassing yourself too. and kissing uncles.

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  4. I bet all women have a day like this - BUT probably not as memorable or told with such wit. I love your humor - finding something to laugh about in a bad place is what I live for!!

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    1. it's the only way to live through the bad moments.

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  5. Hahahahahahaha! Hee-hee-hee-hee! Hahahahahahaha! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Hee-hee-hee-hee!
    Hahahahahahaha! Hee-hee-hee-hee! Hahahahahahaha! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Hee-hee-hee-hee!
    Hahahahahahaha! Hee-hee-hee-hee! Hahahahahahaha! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Hee-hee-hee-hee!

    Ahem!

    Sorry!

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    1. your reaction was perfect. i'm betting you would have passed on the kiss if you'd been the uncle, huh?

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    2. Prob'ly right! But I would have worn a raincoat!

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  6. This story did give me a massive laugh Sherry but in the same way I felt pretty bad for laughing, that must have been so damn embarrassing, at least you did get to kiss the uncle in the end!

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    1. don't feel bad for laughing! and i think it's good that i got the kiss. it helped the night to be slightly less horrifying, even if i was wearing his niece's pants.

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  7. This made me laugh so much. I'm sorry. <3

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    1. some things are just so embarrassing, they still hurt to remember, even 16 years later. i can laugh now though.

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  8. All I can say is, "OHHH GOD."

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    1. that's very similar to my reaction when i remember it. there's also usually some covering of my face with my hand and some heart palpitations.

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  9. oh this one makes my heart break for you! oh, cute uncle man. boo boo! booooooo!

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    1. i wonder how he remembers that night. or if he remembers it at all.

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  10. Oh...ah...um...yikes. At least it wasn't a sh...well, no, not even crap would have been as bad as that. As shan k said, though, at least you weren't 36.
    If it will make you feel better, I had worse than a boob pop out at a water park.
    I'm still too embarrassed to go through the whole story, but this one sentence should give you an idea how it all went down, "Hey, those swim trunk on the top of his head look like mine." It's not like it was a water park, though. No, it was at a public swimming pool at the trailer park. On a Sunday afternoon.
    We had just returned from a "Champagne Mimosa All-You-Ca-Drink" breakfast at the Holiday Inn.
    It was 25 years ago, but...yeah.
    "Shot in the rump with a bazooka." That's kinda funny, though.

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    1. i think you should write about it, al. you, like myself, rarely pass up an opportunity to share your pain and suffering with your blog readers. funny how the details still fester in our brains after all these years.

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    2. Maybe I will...maybe I will.
      Especially since the statute of limitations on public nudity in Florida HAS to have passed.

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    3. no one knows who you really are. let the story details all hang out!

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    4. Hang out...hee...hee...hee.
      The water was pretty chilly.

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  11. Oh no!!! This is so funny! I'm sure all of us women have sprung a leak at one time or another, but of every story I've ever heard, this tops all! Lol!

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    1. if you've got one of these stories to share, please do! i'd love to feel someone else's pain.

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  12. Oh man. I think that's every woman's ultimate worst mortification nightmare!

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    1. no kidding! still i feel the shame. thank goodness for my diva cup. no more leakage for this girl. and very little public booty shaking as well.

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  13. Hard to top that one. But I admire your candor for telling the story!

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    1. what would be a male equivalent? is there one?

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  14. A gruesome story, well told. We are all so glad it wasn't us, because we all have a trunkload of gruesome stories of our own.

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don't let me be the only one doing the talking around here. spill your guts!