Monday, April 23, 2012

standing room only clothes

i've had to give entirely too much thought to clothing lately. and i'm finding that i'm not really a fan of clothes. i mean, i don't prefer nudity, but i like to not think about clothes almost at all. if i could wear stretchy pants and a baggy t-shirt and no bra all the time, i'd be quite satisfied with that.

alas, dressing like that looks like crap and makes your body look even blobbier than it already is. as i've been losing weight (36 lbs so far) i've been shrinking out of all my clothes. for a while i could wear belts to compensate, but i'm down two sizes now and i just need new clothes. i've not become any wealthier as i've become skinnier though, so new clothes aren't really in the budget. what's a girl to do? she heads to goodwill. and thankfully there's one fairly close to my house that's filled with the beautiful castoffs of our rich neighbors.

i'm having to remember as i shop that there are different types of clothing. there are standing pants and sitting pants. standing shirts and sitting shirts. there are even standing/sitting bras. the standing pants are the ones that look fine when you're standing up. they feel acceptable, but God forbid you wear them on a day when you're going to spend most of your day seated. those things work like a tourniquet for your waistline and will just about cut you in half, especially if you've eaten recently. they're great though for a day at the mall or a park where you'll be mainly in an upright position and shunning food. these are the pants you want to be photographed wearing.

standing shirts are close fitting and show the outline of your body which emphasizes how you actually do have a waist that dips in between your bust and hips. however, you don't want to be caught sitting down in one of these shirts because, well, because it shows the outline of your body. and when sitting down, everything in your middle condenses, causing things to bulge about in a very unflattering way. it hugs lumps and dispels any possible question as to whether or not you might be pregnant. because pregnant bellies don't have multiple rolls like you do. these shirts are best worn while standing up and with your hands on your hips. sitting shirts are more forgiving and can even be paired with standing pants as long as proper care is taken when seated to make sure that the shirt is flowing outward adequately so as not to get caught in any fat cracks.

bras are another one of those dumb clothing items that have standing/sitting preferences. underwires are better while standing, while something without a wire is better when you'll be seated for most of the hours that you're wearing it. those pesky wires can be quite disagreeable when they're poking you in the ribs or armpit, but they sure do make the girls look young and perky if you're standing up.

i hope there aren't any cameras in the dressing rooms that i frequent because it probably looks like i'm engaged in a game of musical chairs with myself as i try things on. for every item that i slip into, i position myself in front of the mirror and then do a stand up - sit down routine while watching each garment closely to see how it behaves. this is truly a challenge when there's no seat in the changing room. i have to do an imitation sit-down and try to hold myself in that squatty position for long enough to get a good look at how the clothing is hugging my bits. i've got to be careful not to purchase too many of those standing room only garments or i'll never be able to sit down again. or at least not until i lose some more weight and they get re-purposed from standing to sitting clothes.

21 comments:

  1. Way to go!!! What a great problem to have :)

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  2. 36 pounds!?!?! That is AWESOME!!!! Way to go!!!!

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  3. Thirty-six pounds? Please disregard my snarky tone if this is the result of illness instead of willpower.

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    1. feel free to snark it up because i've done it purely through willpower and determination. no illness other than sometimes mental.

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  4. Awesome job, Sherilin! I need new jeans. I tried forever to lose weight and held off buying new jeans. Finally had to get new ones and than I lost weight. Now they are too big. Even jeans are a pain to get to fit right.
    I've never tried the sitting/standing thing. I have to remember that.

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    1. don't you hate it when that happens?

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  5. 36 pounds is so damn amazing Sherilin, congratulations on it! Best of luck in finding clothes that work perfectly with you, I'm sure you will.

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  6. Oh, I thought "standing pants" were those pants which haven't been washed for a few days and, so, stand in a corner all by themselves.
    Your explanation is much less icky.
    Congratulations on losing those 36 pounds, you new sexy you.

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    1. do you have some of those funky standing pants? i bet you do. and i bet they're in the corner, discarded with your underroos.

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  7. 36 lbs. WOW.. you go girl. That is incredible, and I don't care what your budget is, it deserves a NEW wardrobe.
    But sometimes you can find some great things at the thrift store, truly.
    and bras..........soooo overated.
    That's what I love about being 60 and living in the country. I hardly EVER wear a bra. Only a sports bra if I go riding or something.

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    1. maybe i need to move further away from civilization. and maybe once my weight loosing is over, i'll get some new threads. seems silly to invest much when i'm not done yet.

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  8. Sherilin, I swear you read my mind so many times. You have such a fantastic way of describing the way I'm feeling about things. Once again reminding me that it is of no surprise to me that we are related, and that you are probably truly my kindred spirit! I am so impressed with your weight loss. Maybe you will be my motivation to do the same x2. Love you!
    Aunt Joan

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  9. How great that you've lost all that weight! Good luck acquiring your new wardrobe!

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  10. I 100% without a doubt agree with you on that whole standing-only clothes thing! Skinny bitches just don't get it.

    Which you are kinda becoming. (congratulations you skinny bitch)

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    1. one of my friends wrote a note on my facebook wall after reading this saying that she didn't know there were standing/sitting clothes. just shows that she's never been fat.

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  11. Congrats on losing 36 pounds! That's quite an accomplishment! I never thought about standing and sitting pants, but it does make sense. This was fun! Hope you enjoy the rest of your shopping! Julie

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  12. well who knew?? You are definitely right!! I wore a freaking standing blouse to a fancy dinner the other night and the entire time the front sort of pulled open a bit by the buttons and ugh. I couldn't relax AT ALL. I am a little bigger in the boob department, I should know better.
    ps - yay again on the 36#!!! Keep at it!

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    1. next time you consider wearing that shirt, you're going to think "standing shirt" and ask yourself if the event you're going to is a standing or sitting event. i've completely given up button-front tops for that very reason. too much booby in the blouse. (did you hear the song lyrics "too much booty in the pants" when you read that line?)

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  13. How funny. I wrote about buying bras today - did we talk??? LOL! great talk and congrats on losing some pounds!! awesome!
    Laurel.

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  14. Oh, the bras, the BRAS! They choke my chest icles.

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don't let me be the only one doing the talking around here. spill your guts!