Wednesday, November 23, 2011

recycled food

you know what i hate? i hate it when i eat something and realize that it's slimy or too crunchy or in some fashion unacceptable to my mouth, so i discreetly spit it out and put it over onto the edge of my plate or bowl because i forgot a napkin. then a few minutes go by and i accidently eat it again. then, not only is it still too slimy/crunchy/unacceptable it's also now wet and cold and has that major yuck factor guaranteed to poof out my cheeks, tighten my stomach, and hunch my shoulders forward into that pre-puking position. that's when i get off my lazy rump and go get a napkin. and maybe an airline sick bag. because it's only considered good form to vomit in an upright position in the presense of others if you do it into an airline barf bag.
i'm the one on the left.
you guys really want to invite me over for thanksgiving now, don't you?

18 comments:

  1. What's more, I'd NEVER eat a pumpkin which looks like Alfred E. Neuman.
    Much less three of them.
    "What, me worry?"

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  2. Lmao, this post was hilarious! Great stuff as always!

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  3. I will take my chances..... come on over to TN!!!

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  4. That is hilarious. What's worse is when one of your kids comes over, gets something off your plate and sticks it in their mouth, decide they dont like it and spit it back on your plate and you try to eat that! Yucky!

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  5. amy, i'm glad you'd still be willing to risk it. maybe i'm better in person than i make myself out to be on my blog. or maybe i'm not & i'm just disillusioned.
    leslie, i've totally had that happen. and once i ate a piece of popcorn that i discovered to be soggy & there was no kid around to blame. that's when i realized that my cat had been sucking on it.
    mmm, nothing like re-eating someone else's food!

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  6. I was going to add a snarky comment, but when I read "...my cat had been sucking on it," I realized even I have a gag reflex (and, by "gag", I don't mean joke).
    Yeesh.

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  7. you have to taste the recipe I uploaded today, mango never has bad taste

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  8. This post totally cracked me up, along with making me just a little greener around the gills than I was prior to reading it...But then I go and read the comments, and it reminds me of when my middle child (now 19) was little and we were at a friend's house, sharing a plate of pizza. For whatever reason, he gagged on his pizza and he threw up in my plate. Yes, he was also in an upright position.

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  9. But, if it was a veggie lover's pizza, how would you know?
    Oh, God, there goes my gag reflex again....
    I think I WILL try that mango recipe, though.

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  10. I've got a better one. What about when you are "cleaning" up the kids plates after a meal taking bites here and there and BAM you eat one of their previously chewed on bites! Holy YUCK!

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  11. Luckily I don't seem to run into this problem too often, and it seems to happen with meat and especially sausage, so you be glad you're a vegetarian, because that's some SUPER yucky grossness when that happens.

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  12. There is absolutely no guarantee that any of your chewed soggy rejects will land on the lip of YOUR OWN plate so, sorry lady, but I reckon I'll be down the soup kitchen as usual this year. They do a reasonable ALL-IN STEW and they provide quality, hand-stitched re-usable barf bags for free.

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  13. I like the fact that you have so thoroughly thought out the whole process of socially acceptable vomiting and documented how to do it and how not to do it. You think like me!

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  14. Maybe I've just been drawing too much of the homeless guy lately, but I thought recycled food was going to be talking about eating it, letting it come 'out,' and then eating it all over again. Recycling. Thanks for taking the high road.

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  15. ha ha...when I need to vomit
    I JUST VOMIT
    out of control...barf bag or NO barf bag

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  16. Oh dear...I just have to SEE someone puking, and I start dry heaving.

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don't let me be the only one doing the talking around here. spill your guts!