what it's NOT about

i have mixed feeling about christmas. of course i loved it when i was a kid. i would wake up around 2:30am and then my brother and i would try to keep our giddy selves occupied quietly until 5am when we were allowed to bust open our stockings. we woke the parental units about 7 and then started on the present frenzy in the living room. there were freshly home baked cinnamon rolls to gobble and gifts that were just what we wanted.

we read and talked about the biblical version of the christmas story in an effort to remember what it was all about. we gave birthday presents to Jesus and ate sugary goodies. there were so many traditions and the reasons to feel happy were endless.

as an adult i've tried to find my way to some traditions of my own. things that are special to me or make it feel like the christmas season. but i lack. i love giving gifts to the people i love, but i lack money to buy great things. i lack ideas for how to give gifts that are free or inexpensive, but still meaningful. i lack motivation to decorate.

for the past several years, brooke and chris have done the majority of the holiday decorating. i wouldn't care if we did no more than erect a christmas tree with lights and call it a day, but that's not enough for those who share my home. they need more, more, more! i tolerate it. i try not to display my lack of enthusiasm for all the red and green pretties being sprinkled, plopped, strung, wound, hung and dumped around my space. they make my people so happy, but for me, they cause the exact opposite reaction.

see how nice and clean and pretty this looks?
nothing overwhelming or all consuming about the decor in this room.
just the way i like it.

i don't know why, but decorations make me feel claustrophobic. they feel like clutter and chaos. they're like noise to my eyeballs. in very small doses, decorations feel nice and pretty, but the more there are, the more i feel like the walls are shrinking in around me. like every time i walk into a room that's heavily froo-frooed with shedding greenery and bows and feathers and angels, i can feel myself tense up and it's as if there's an internal stereo blasting inside my head. i want to get away from it. i want to avert my eyes. i don't want to let any part of my skin or clothing brush against that fake green piney mess.

omgosh, my heart rate literally started pounding when i laid eyes on this pic.
i can hardly even look at it. must ... look...  away!

in the minds of my family, i guess i'm the scrooge. probably because i wrinkle my nose like something stinks when i see a room filled with decorative pretties and hear non-stop christmas tunes for two months straight. i think part of it stems from knowing that i'll have to clean up all the bits and glitter and scraps that land all over the house. i'll have to pick up the broken pieces of ornaments that my cats have broken or little light bulbs they've bitten and shattered. i'll have to pull the cat down from the top of the christmas tree over and over.

i've declared my bedroom and bathroom to be decoration-free zones. as long as i can get ready or relax in places that haven't been infiltrated by the fluff n stuff, i'll try to keep my cool. i'll try to remember that christmas is a happy, wonderful time where we remember Jesus more than some other times of year. and i'll try really hard to resist the urge to run around screaming, knocking down or throwing outside the millions of sparkly things that surround me through the rest of the house.