changing sheets should be against my religion

i'm going to admit something here that maybe i shouldn't. then again, i've admitted to all kinds of disgusting things here, like the apple that was in my couch for several months & multiple cases of incontinence (so many that i had to start a label category just to contain them all), so maybe this one isn't so bad.

i HATE changing sheets! i know a lot of people who feel like their sheets need to be done every week, but i doubt my bed gets changed more than every  4-6 weeks. we bathe daily, so i don't suppose it ever gets too bad & since we always shower before leaving the house, it seems like any bed funk we may be carrying will be washed off before we present ourselves in public.

ours really isn't hard to do & sometimes chris or brooke will help me, so i do that one fairy regularly. however... when it comes to brooke's bed..... i pulled fleece & flannel bedding off it today that i'm pretty sure has been on there since, oh.... maybe christmas? i've changed the pillow case a couple times so that at least her face isn't sleeping in the same drool for 6 months, but those nasty sheets are terribly neglected. she has a top bunk w/ no bottom bunk under it, and because of the way the mattress fits down into the frame, there's no way to change it from above. it has to be lifted up out of the frame to avoid ripping the sheets (learned that the hard way a few times) & since it's pushed into a corner, i have to pull the whole thing out from the wall to get to that corner. that doesn't sound so bad, but the bed is ridiculously heavy & since there's no bottom bunk, brooke fills that space w/ seriously large quantities of crap.

this morning i finally felt sufficiently guilty for making my child sleep in a bed of filth & decided to tackle the job. i had to first dismantle a strawberry shortcake tent that was blocking the way & also clean up all the contents of said tent. i had to remove all the electronics & gadgetry carefully & then grab & stuff all the costume bits into the dress up box that was downstairs being used for some other creative purpose. i made brooke help me clean up all the piles from under the bed - toilet paper tubes, coins, marbles, sticky tack, scissors, markers, books, more costume pieces, stuffed animals, littlest pet shops, cords that go to who knows what, bags of food scraps, dvd's, tape, a stick, a jar of dead bugs that she told me is her bug cemetery, string cheese wrappers, a grocery bag worth of paper scraps from things she's cut out, pencil sharpeners, sheets & blankets that have been used for waterfalls & grass & snow, 2 kid sized chairs, a glider footrest, a small table, 2 toy boxes, pajamas, some panties, several socks & a hair bow. then i had to pull down the sheet that's been tacked into the ceiling along the edge of brooke's bed that made the top bunk into a fort for the past few months. only lost 1 tack this time (i think that might be a new record) that had to be hunted for, so that was pretty good.

it was a rather daunting task, but since i woke up motivated & guilty, i was making the most of it & getting it done as fast as possible. ok, so the under-bed area was cleared out, but then i still had to pull the mammoth bed out far enough so that i could fit behind it. drag the head end 2 inches. drag the foot end 3 inches. drag the head end 3 inches. drag the foot end 2 inches. head. foot. head. foot. starting to sweat now. almost have a space big enough. head. foot. ok. enough already. i was mumbling to myself that i need to go on a diet so that i can fit into smaller spaces & hence have a shorter distance to drag the bed. i shimmied back into the crack & found that i had misjudged the distance because now i was wedged very tightly into a very small space and my boobs were nearly being decapitated by the edge of the bed (maybe that's why they're so long these days) as i struggled to stand upright rather than squirm back out & pull the bed out further. i could have called chris to come help me & i know he would have, but since i'm sheera, queen of power, i feel like i can't ask for help with changing sheets because how powerful would that be?

i finally got it done with much grunting, sweating & flipping off of the bed. now the bedding is in the dryer & once i get it all reassembled, i will feel like i've done enough work for the day & then maybe i can laze, guilt-free on the couch for a while.