renegade mole hair

you know what i hate? mole hair. you know what i'm talking about - the ugly little moles that so many of us have. we wish they weren't there, but well, there they are & there's not much we can really do about them. i didn't pay much attention to them most of my life until i was 17 & on a date with a new boy at taco bell (i know, we were so classy) and he said, "you got a hair like this long growing outta that mole on your neck." he held his fingers this _____________  far apart & i'm pretty sure my whole head turned purple in humiliation. there wasn't much i could do about it right there at the taco barn other than to clamp my hand over my neck to prevent him from further viewing of the offending hair.

he received no good night sugar that night. i couldn't even make eye contact because of my shame over my hairy neck mole & his rudeness in pointing it out. i ran to the nearest bathroom in the house, dug out my tools & started going over myself with a sharp tipped tweezer. first to go was the neck mole hair. once i spotted it & managed to rip it out (no easy feat at such a stupid angle) i held it up & gazed at it in shock & awe at the size of it. how had i never seen it before? i'm a picker by nature, so it was very distressing to me to have something that long attached to my neck without even being aware of it. it was like it hated me & was trying to grow long enough to strangle me when i was sleeping.

i then proceeded to pour over every inch of my skin looking for anything that needed to be plucked. i discovered that the best technique was to hold up various body parts in front of a dark colored towel & move them around very slowly in order to spot any naughty little sprigs growing out of moles or freckles. i'm covered in freckles, so this was a fairly time consuming undertaking. i found plenty of fodder for the fires of my new paranoia.

ever since then, i've been vigilant about checking myself thoroughly on a regular basis & i hope that i've maintained my mole hair in an acceptable fashion. i once spotted a 2 1/2 inch long whisker growing out of the skin on my neck, no where near any freckles or moles. i'm concerned that i'm turning into one of those icky old women who eat cat food & have long locks growing out of random body parts. this has added a whole new level of schizo for me because now i feel like i need to pull & pluck at my neck with my fingers often just to see if i find anything to grab.

i don't know if i'm the only one who suffers from these renegade body hairs, but i'd like to invite any of you to please feel free to point out any wacky hairs growing from any part of me that's not my scalp. i've even offered brooke money for spotting them.

and on that embarrassing note - good night.