smokeless

sometimes, i really miss smoking. i smoked cigarettes on & off from the time i was 20 till i was 33. i quit lots of times, including when i was preg & nursing, of course, and i tried to never smoke around brooke because i didn't want her to remember me that way since i fully intended to quit while she was still little. it's been nearly 2 years now, but there are still some days when i'd like nothing better than to go sit on the front steps & light one up. i haven't yet found anything that can replace the feeling of being all stressed out & lighting one up & taking a big, long drag. somehow, bits & pieces started crumbling off around the edges of the stress brick that was sitting on me. by the time i'd spent 10 minutes outside with a smoke in hand, i'd feel lighter somehow & less tightly coiled. i know all the bad things about it & all the reasons why you shouldn't smoke. i agree with all of them, but i sure would like to find something that could do the job of that stress relieving cigarette. because i sure feel like i need it today.