last night it was late when i was getting brooke to bed & i was so tired after lying on my bed, reading books to her that when she stretched herself along the length of my back, i decided to just wear her like a blanket and go to sleep. in our house, bedtime has a routine. there's an order & a pattern & we never ever let brooke sleep in our bed or tuck her in her own bed without prayers & songs. but i was too tired to move. eventually, when she was convinced that i was serious, she ran into her room for her pillow & a stack of stuffed animals. she built the great wall of china with stuffies serving as stones right down the center of my bed. i had to decree that only 3 could stay since i didn't want it to be a big deal when we moved her back to her own bed later, so she hemmed & hawed before picking the top three furry friends of the day.
then i realized that i had to pee and take some decongestant. and remove my jeans. and wash both our hands. and turn on a noisemaker with waves to make us sleep well. by the time all of this was done, i was pretty much wide awake again & wished i'd never started this whole thing to begin with. but it was too late to back out without drama, so we both crawled between the snuggly, flannel sheets. it only took her a few moments to start talking. "mom, what's your favorite color? what's your favorite food? what was your favorite part of our new mexico trip?"
i was fading quickly, but trying to keep answering her questions. then i cracked open an eye & realized that she was still wearing a headband with big, tall ears. we had a good laugh about wearing her ears in bed & then she reached over & patted me & said, "am i your friend or your daughter right now? because this feels like a sleepover to me."
my heart smiled & i realized that since she doesn't have a lot of contact with other kids & she's got no siblings, she needs more stuff like this. more times when i get onto her level & stop trying to make her behave or teach her things, but rather, just hang out.
last night we went to a friends house for post-meal visiting. i saw her playing with a box that their cat loves & reminded her not to break it. as i walked away, she told the other people in the room that her mom doesn't like the things she does. that makes me sad. it's hard to juggle being fun-mom with being business-mom. it's my job to teach & advise her, but she also needs me to be fun.
today we were chatting with some friends & she was asked, by an adult, what she likes to do in the morning before mom & dad wake up. her reply? "nunya." by which she meant none-ya-business. oh my gosh! gulping down my embarrassment at even remembering that rudeness, however funny it sounds when she says it back & forth with daddy.
i still feel like i've got a lot to learn about being a parent & to brooke in particular. but she just informed me that she's cleared the space beneath her bunk bed out & changed it from cave mode to tent mode & it's ready for her little pink christmas tree to be set up & decorated. so i suppose it's time to get off here & go be mom to my little dumpling of wackiness.
but before i go, i'd like to thank tracy over at it's an average life for a blog award of... well... it's called "the tanned hide blog award." i'm not entirely clear on what that means, but here it is & thanks, trace!
and now it's time to get out the first of the christmas stash.