cool dudes and body image

looking back on my childhood, i'm noticing some things which would indicate that i had a rather twisted version of what was "cool". i was under the impression that big hair, big tits, dark makeup and tiny waists were what made people cool. i wanted so much to have flawless skin - and by flawless, i meant not having either zits or freckles - and a flat stomach. in my head, i placed great value on outward appearance and less on character. maybe that's normal. i don't know. but my version of perfection was completely unrealistic and unattainable. let me give you an example...

looking at this now, my brain is flashing a neon sign that says "ANOREXIA" but when i was 12, this was my dream body. there was no way in the world i could ever have an ass that flat or blocky little flintstone feet. the hair seems kind of manageable, considering i no doubt had a perm at the time. and i did have fingernails like that then, but only because i had glued them on.

but then there was the way i really saw myself...

not exactly a svelte & sinewy gymnast, but at least i demonstrated a sense of self worth by showing me in my karate gi. there seems to be a proportion issue with the arms, or maybe i just needed to do another hundred push ups. and can you believe that eyeliner i wanted to use?  i may have had no waist, but at least i drew myself with a happy face & didn't try to sexy me up at all.

however, my biggest concern for my mindset came when i found this next doozy. the one that i labeled, "Cool Dude."

it's hard to read the labels in the pic, so let me spell them out for you.

on top we have "blue spiked hair with rainbow streaks".

he has a manly nose & jaw as a man of his caliber must.

in front of his face we find "green eye brows" and "long yellow bangs". because, let's be honest here, don't all the cool dudes color their eyebrows green?

behind him we find that he's wearing a "brown, name brand leather jacket" because God forbid it be a knock-off.

"the date" is labeled as well, just in case anyone was wondering what those little numbers were.

i see that he's wearing "awesome green leather pants" which is exactly what you'd expect from a man with green eyebrows because you've got to be coordinated when you leave the house. and there's no such thing as too much leather in any single outfit.

he's got "black boots" that are naturally worn with the pants tucked in. i guess his green leathers were too tight to be pulled over the boots.

and last, but most certainly not least, in his hand, we find that he's got "drugs". what the heck was i thinking?! i'd never even seen drugs to know what they looked like when i was drawing this guy. apparently, in my mind, drugs looked like vivarin because i drew them as little yellow pills, no doubt with an easy-to-swallow coating.

sigh...

it's no wonder my parents worried about me.