Friday, December 3, 2010

c@me1 toe and spicy bubbles

a friend of mine started something on facebook today when she said, "Mothers of daughters-only probably don't have words like boner, penis-fuzz, and nut-stench saved in their phone's auto correct."

and that got me to thinking that yes, she's right. i have no penile references programed into speed type in my phone. that would be pretty much boy or slut specific & neither of those refers to me in the here & now.

however, there are some mothers-of-girls goodies that i bet those mothers of the nut-stenchy, penis-fuzz mamas are missing out on.

when brooke was about 4, she told me that she had a "spicy vagina bubble." um.... a what? she explained that sometimes when she tooted, it went back up rather than out, causing her to have that oh-so-detestable "spicy bubble." she'd squirm & wriggle trying to free herself from that troublesome bubble. i thought it was pretty funny, but tried not to laugh at her serious little face because to her, it was no laughing matter.

a couple weeks later, we were out to dinner with a friend of ours who was, at the time, a 19 year old guy (still a guy, i think, but no longer 19). brooke loved brandon & was sitting beside him, chattering happily when suddenly she went silent & a strange look crossed her face. brandon asked what was wrong. she didn't even hesitate before telling him very seriously that she had another spicy vagina bubble. he was pretty sure he must have heard her wrong, so he asked her to repeat it. and of course she did, even more loudly and clearly than before. chris & i were choking on our tacos & sputtering for her not to say it again. brandon still wasn't sure & wasn't satisfied with "never mind. it's nothing, never mind. she's fine." so there i sat, in mo's defining just what a spicy vagina bubble is to a boy who was learning a valuable lesson - never ask for an explanation when a kid speaks & the parents choke, particularly if you think you might have heard the word vagina.

another little gem happened in target last summer. it was the end of the season, but brooke had outgrown all her bathing suits just in time for her pool party. so we were shopping for a new one & trying them all on since apparently she doesn't have that swanky, easy to fit body that most 7 year olds have. a friend called while we were in the dressing room & was curious as to why we'd be getting her a new suit when she'd probably outgrow it before the next swimming season. i covered the phone & whispered, "i don't want to see c@me1-toe on my child in the birthday party pictures."

little did i know little hawk-ears was eavesdropping as usual & scowled at me and asked very clearly, "mommy, why did you say i have C@me1 toes? i do NOT have C@ME1 TOES!" i could hear snickering coming from under the other dressing room walls on either side of us.


yeah, i bet moms of boys don't have "spicy vagina bubbles" and "c@me1-toe" programed into their phones.

19 comments:

  1. You are hilarious! Love the photo, too!

    ReplyDelete
  2. By the time Brooke is 18, you will have enough events to fill a best selling book about your life with her. It will be a "Best Seller". Other Moms will just love it.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Wow this was so funny and entertaining!!! I hate spicy vagina bubbles!! Now I finally know what to call them!! HAHAHAHA

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm still chuckling about the spicy vagina bubbles! Always wondered what the technical term was for those. Lol!

    Hey, thanks for stopping by my blog yesterday for my SITS day!

    ReplyDelete
  5. And I totally feel sorry for them! I am officially using the words spicy vagina bubble on a regular basis...camel toes was already a very active part of my vocabulary.
    This was hilarious!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. You print bible-reading pictures of your daughter with this blog? I'm shocked, I tell you, shocked!

    ReplyDelete
  7. @Bibliomama....are you shocked that kids read the bible? Or shocked that she may have had camel toe while reading it? Or is your shocked mindset due to the fact that you suffer from camel toe yourself??? Kudos to Sherilin for filling our hearts with laughter and warm fuzzies all around! Us bible reading friends appreciate the honesty that flows from your household into ours!

    ReplyDelete
  8. I think it's funny you were stuffing tacos in your face when the spicy bubble incident occurred... my mind was already there from the content of the blog. LOL That made it that much funnier to me :D
    and @ bibliomama...don't get your panties in a wad or your gonna get a bubble too!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Holy Cow! I have no words for how funny this is! Love it! The sheer honesty of a child!

    ReplyDelete
  10. as always I am roflmao! your blogs always make me laugh of course my penis fuzz kids dont find them as funny as I do but still I do have to hear all the boy terms of everything... and I mean everything! my unfav - "mom look at this hair on my pits. mom look i have leg hairs. look mom i even have hair on my belly that goes down..." this is where I start screaming and cover my ears then start rocking back and forth and going lalalalalalalalalalalalalala! I do not envy you... I have my own moments of choking on tacos while trying to get them to not talk about certain things at the restaurant in public! =)

    ReplyDelete
  11. oh and @bibliomama - seriously? you really need to get a grip on life. bible reading pics and things that tend to happen in real life are ok to talk about. this is not the 1940's things are not forbidden. maybe you should get off the internet and tend to your kids since youre so holy! geez!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Bibliomama is probably simply desperate to drive traffic from heathens like us to her own personal blog. As I recall from my own Sunday school days, those who preach the loudest are usually the ones who have something to hide....

    ReplyDelete
  13. I am loving the SVB as I will be using this daily! LOL
    She is too funny!

    ReplyDelete
  14. I like the acronym SVB. I totally had one yesterday for the first time in I can't remember, and I thought "Oh! It's a SVB!". I'm so glad your girl has finally put a name to that particular phenomena.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Hilarious!!

    And fellow readers: Lighten up on Bibliomama -- from the grammatical structure of it ("shocked, I tell you, shocked" -- a typical structure for being funny) -- she was *kidding*!! Shouldn't be unexpected in the comments on a humorous blog post!!

    ReplyDelete
  16. up yeah, I'm with Legalmist. Pretty sure Bibliomama was joking - http://bibliomama2.blogspot.com/2010/12/juvenile-humour.html Another funny read :)

    ReplyDelete
  17. oh man. How did you manage not to laugh the first time Brooke explained that PHENOMENON to you?!?

    ReplyDelete

don't let me be the only one doing the talking around here. spill your guts!